UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

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UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  el_ludo le Lun 20 Fév 2017 - 10:56

to readback, please

Page 12
The little cove which constitute it is not already more able to welcome the many utopians naves, but the proximity of Ria Molhe and his windmills maintain a certain activity.
Although the port do not have big warehouse neither the ropery of Free Port, the reputation of this carpenters attract always-major captains. Furthermore, Port Salvador own an asset which Sarre Cossa desire, this is the access, the most direct at Forteza.
The inside of the island is virtually uninhabited. Little hamlets are settling along the banks of two Ria. They regroup, generally around a windmill, the landowner, which make the culture of flax and the llamas breeding.
However, an exception is to notice, Forteza. In this vertical deep cave, the utopians recognized fast an unnatural orign. This is a brazen well of an abandoned Naashtis citadel. Run of cycles, the original campsite grew up to become the town of Forteza.
Built on the vertical walls of the well, Forteza is an agglomeration of bridges, of scaffolds and of huts, which is the single utility, is to experiment the hypotheses of the Artefacers who live here.
Next, the catastrophe of cycle 1353, each Artefacers groups establish carefully his main scaffold, far of the one of the other groups to avoid a new set of chain explosions. However, the appearance of the Naashtis at the bottom of the well changed the rules of the game.

CHORA
Lone Island at the edge of empty, CHORA welcome the denatured creature that cannot live at the middle of the utopians. Protected and nursed by the Bokor, Manikin, Vumbi or necromorph wander in the wait of their departure on a boat. Outside a little port in the inside pass, the island do not house just few cabans of care or of community life surrounded of channels and many caves where hunker the Pujlanar.

LISO ISLANDS
Important step for the outgoing boats for the Seque, the Liso Islands provide to them soft water and smoked meat sufficient. Many sailors’ artisans are settling on their floating Balsae to offer thiers services at the transit boat. This is also on the Liso Islands, which are welcoming the Scravos, them who flee the Avalonian kingdom to join the UTOPIA.
The islands of Seque
The upgrade of sailing technique allowed at the Utopians, safer and more common crossing towards the Mornea Continent.
First consider of the oceanic great current which helped them to go back in the great island, the boats are going towards the Molhe and the Avalonian coasts which they call Engolimo.
Navigate in the brackish water of the most lone of the islands don’t put neither problem at the utopian boats. The most reckless captain took the way to come levy a wood load which they can exchange on the great island.
The chance encounter with the avalonian, despite the cultural distance, caused rarely fights. The latter, haven’t never travelled, took the utopians for people of other barony.
The cartography expeditions launched since a cycle by the Arthur Baron are now, a brake at the utopian expeditions.
Further on the avalonian coast, the utopians approach in Nascer Engolimo at the favour of a thick fog which hide their installations. Since the end of cycle 1369, they built few balsae against the widest islands. The construction of flat-bottomed barges allows them, now to wind the Ciar Arms.
Page 13
The Utopian Society
The history strongly marked the utopians people who only survived thank to his union and his mutual aid. Despite few attempts throughout the last cycles, none leader didn’t reach to break the egalitary and freedom feeling of the utopians.
The Family
First, it’s in the family structure which shows the equality. Women and men are free of theirs activity and have the same duty about the children. Indeed, it’s not rare, when a seaman come back of an expedition, let it be his wife who regain his role on the boat for the next expedition. So the child education is doing jointly, or alternatively, by the both parents. Whatever their activity, they must spend the first third selenes of each of their children on a Balsao, it will be the future acceptation of this child in the utopian society.
At the age of 4 cycles, the children choose one or few instructor who educates them in his activity. Initiate at miscellaneous activities, they must choose the one which they will exercise at the end of the cycle, the day where they become UTOPIAN.
The Majorat
At each new cycle, the utopians choose among them, the one will carry their speech and will settle in case of dispute, The Major.
Thus in each Balsao, each village, on each ship, a major is naming. He handled to listen the need of the people who represent and to make sure they can calmly do theirs activities. He also comes back at the Major to fix the internal dispute, but also with the utopians dependent of a neighbor Major. So the meetings between Major are usual and useful.
Unic case due at her big population, Port Libre rise of three Majors. The large Balsao leaded for since few cycles by seamen of the Cord’s family. Since the loss of their father, it is Nathar and Grainn, the brother and the sister, who choose like Co-Majors. Their opposition at the military options prevailed at the choice of their cousin, Claes.
The earthmen village, next to the port, leaded by Moleiro, an ancient “Foulonnier” already favorable to the cause of the port Major.
Since two cycles, Sarre Cossa is the Major of the biggest port of the utopians. Ancient captain of the come back expedition, has shown himself to be a vital spokesperson of the seamen at the expense of the other captains. After had questioning the avalonian prisoners, he insisted close the others captains to settle a colony on Nascer Engolimo. Triumphant, he was elect without pain Major of the port.
Now, he has one goal, conquer the old land of Engolimo. He secretly dreams to build a living boat with the Beathacrann wood. Despite, a help of the Bokors, his war’s views countered by the Co-Majors Cord and by the Artefacers.

The Balsae
Utopian traditional housing, the Balsae are larges floating islands set on the top of huts. Built bundle of reeds linked the one with the others, their legendaries origin go back up at the establishment of the first island dweller in the submerged archipelago.
Always moving, a balsao is an assembly of many familial platforms, but it is, in the first place, a place to live. The little kid raised in freedom, like the aquatic bird. The utopians practice their traditional activities, fishing, gardening cultures, weaving and basketwork, pottery and even metalworking.
Page 14
The Seamen
Formerly consider at the same title of the other activities, the functions of seamen took importance since the construction of the Come Back Flotilla.
Today, the young utopians chose, in mass seamen like instructors. The activities of seaman, caulk man, carpenter, cock, surgeon or especially pilot or sailor became so much asked, the Major obliged to do choices among the young pretenders. This created, in fact, insastifaction feelings, even injustice which some could easily to run.
This is on the deck of a ship, more again on a Balsao, which manifest the egalitarian fact of the utopian society. Each of the seamen, from the apprentice sailor to the captain, man or woman, own the same right, in particular the right to speak. By the way, it is exceptional the captain had naming like Major of the Boat.
At the origin, each seaman was owner of a part of the boat who participates to build and on the one he sailed. So the sharing did by simple dividing up between the seamen, without consider the rank or the function, so much the role of each seamen on the boat is important.
But since the important construction of the cycles 1367 and 1368 and the didiving up of the construction work in multiple trades, it is impossible for a craftsperson to feel to belong at a particular ship. When they take on like a seaman, so they did not do on a ship, but on this of a ship-owner, a family or a Balsao. On board of this ship, the equality of voice stays the same, but the sharing is not more a simple dividing up.
Blue square
“No trade without exchanges, no exchange without deal, no deal without axes “ Capitana Evhan.
The notion of trade is all relative for the utopian seamen. When they leave in sea to trade, it is, before all for them to acquire useful goods at their family, their ship, their balsao or they can exchange in the Liso islands or on the Great Islands.
The adopted way for this trade or plundering, don’t enter in consideration. Only matter the quantity of the trade, it is to say the paid price in relation to the acquired merchandise. The loose of a value officer is, in example offset by a filled hold.
THE SHIPS
A long time, the utopians flotilla resumed at long outriggers equipped with a simple sail, The Arawas form the culture of the island dweller, and at long boat at square sail, the patched Esneques of Ancient Avalonians.
With the available wood of the Great Island, the construction of ships with hold and superior deck can be attempted. So the Cogue simple Esneques at superior deck appear.
Then, after few sailing cycles, the carpenters build a ship at rounded hull, equipped of two mast and two decks, the Caraque was born. It haven’t to wait long time for this ship be able to hold the sea better than others Cogues and the Caraque became the Utopians ships
The Caraques equipped of separate holds and sometimes a between decks. Outside the first utility of this holds for the transportation of different merchandises, the captains who are trading in the Seque can hold the Pujlanar well away from the seamen the time of crossing.
Theirs towers of front and of back equipped of cubicle for the rest of the seamen and a sailor cubicle where the officer meets.
Since the meetings with few merchands boat, these two towers are extending. The Utopians semen overlooks the Avalonian or Triadic ships to can Hoist the colors!
Page 15
The island dweller
On a hundred of occupation of the Great Island, Utopians rediscovered the live of Earth. The first explorations of the island gone up his two rivers don’t give them much reason to settle among the long herbs. The wild pigs ground just as well on the coast and inside. When the explorations send the Utopians at the edge of the big forest, they began to settle a lumbermen camp. The discover of the big wooly herbivorous animals in the mountains was the new reason to settle in the inside off the island. But the discover, the most important did made by an old woman who spot the quality of the long herb. This canes was woody, we could make ropes and even canvas.
The temporary installations, near the river change slowly in hamels, few windmills were built, the hemp was cultivated, and then the flax, the llamas was domestic and shorn. The Utopians became the island dweller, at least certain of them.
However, despite the necessary useful of their activity, this who lives inside had considered like second role Utopians role. In particular, the children don’t find easily an instructor at the port despite few agreements between the Majors.
The Scravos
Since a ten of cycle, this ship which cross the Corrente until Engolimo benefit of the help of few local fishermen. First, forced by the hostage taking, this help became natural for this that had the chance one to cross the sea on the deck of Utopian ship. Real friendship link had made between the Avalonian fishermen and the Utopian seamen. At such point, certain leaved secretly the Barony to go live in UTOPIA, this who named the Scravos.
It is on the Liso Islands where we find the most of Scravos. They are specialized in the dried meat and fish which provide at the leaving boat, with the secret hope to be accepted on board.
Pirr Gerlf, refugee from two cycles, undertakes to gather all of them on Liso-Do-Nascer. He made an independent Balsao, strong of near fifty platforms and hopes to be named the Major, despite his recent installation on the Great Island. The Scravos wait to him who built a ship which will be their own and can to show at the Utopians, they can be equal.
Page 16
The Antasmoisa
Form time immemorial, the Bokor pull of the Blue Algae a drink at the calming and lenitive effects. The Indigo Liquor erased the worry which they could have but also the remember of their existence so much they was addict. So his use watches strictly and limited at few parties or during severely shortage time.
The nurses were the guardians of this dangerous drink. Only them, knew the secret which allowed to extract the drug of the Antasmoisa and to make the Indigo Liquor. Yet, there was always a Boko, man or woman, who did beat by the Algae, just as we named them who became dependent of this drug.
Step by step, they lost all appétit and all memory. Their human flesh became pale and copld, taking a blue color. So, they searched to recover the heat, which they lost trough the Bokor in sucking their blood.
The undead, they became, The Pujlanar, was isolated on the far away island close that grew up the Antasmoisa bench. In their exodus, they chewed constantly the long filaments of Algae.
The Bokor claimed, they could survive more of ten times ten cycles with this diet. But none nurse didn’t search to check.
THE MUTATIONS
When he considered what he could derive from the Antasmoisa, Irmao stopped to mourn for the grafts. He had consistently been tasked the secrets by the nurses and to attempt his own experimentations.
Under his equalitarian look, he stayed a Beathacrann Cult fervent believer and despaired of the potential loose of the grafts carried by few exiled and him. Indeed, the temple charger him to stay among the outlawed and to retrieve the grafts in order to return at the holy tree.
The life gain offer by the Indigo drug allowed him to maintain alive the grafts, even after a heart attack of his bearer. His analgesics properties allowed the graft ablation or his division and the implantation on a new bearer who didn’t suffer unlike what happened in Avalon. He must succeed to communicate this discovery at his brother of the Temple.
Now the nurse worked at the side of Irmao and actively participated in his research. The time spend, the word Bokor designated just this one.
Under their expert hand, the Blue Algae can be reduced in a thick powder to ingest, in liquor at different concentrations, alcoholic or not, on ointments or poultice. But what be the form, the use of Antasmoisa always ended by make mutations and denatured the grafts.
Feeling his end came, Irmao knew, he failed. Failed in his mission, who his brothers gave to him, failed in the safeguard and the multiplication of the grafts. He attempted a last experience on his own graft without the knowledge of the Bokor who assisted him and disappeared.
PAGE 17
The Pujlanars
The woks of Irmao and of his Bokors had huge repercussions on the Pujlanars. The Indigo drug offer to them the longevity and raise theirs pains, the grafts give them, the few mind which missed at their forefathers to understand the orders what be given.
Even, certain take initiatives. Despite, they still dangerous, and more eager of the head of live bodies again. Those who allowed living among the Utopians must be framed by the Bokors or eventually, by dedicated guards.
During the Big Storm, the most dangerous be abandoned and few had the possibility to get on the boats.
On the Great Island, the announcement of Indigo Liquor shortage forced the Utopians to exile again the Pujlanars who was send on the Chora Island.
The first cycles was awful, the lack of Antasmoisa woke up the pains that the Pujlanars didn’t never feel. Theirs pains screams, sometimes carried by the wind; bore at many legends on the Cape Molhe.
The Bokors stayed close to them, and those didn’t be mad, tried to find a cure. This one came of a tainted blue stone close the algae color. The stone is reduced, without effort in a powder that the Bokor could inhale, and then regurgitated at the head of the Pujlanars.
The Bokors
Heirs of ancestral traditions who didn’t understand and recluse on Chora, the Bokors design empirically Alchemy of the Ocean. With the Marine pulsation, they could compose formula, that they use to protect the Pujlanars and approach them in all security to bring them the care whose they need.
It is the discover of Forteza and the need of the Artefacers who allowed the Pujlanars to go out of their isolation. Then the Utopians discovered the power of the Bokors and didn’t delay to imagine how to use them.
The inventiveness talent of the Utopians and the influx of young followers did the rest. The Bokors was quickly able to accompany and to protect the boats in theirs trips to the Submerged Archipelago to harvest the Antasmoisa
A captain more reckless than the others, Qhari Sunqu, dared to board some Pujlanars under the watch of a Boko. He came back of Engolimo, the full holds, elected Major by his sailors. The trading took a new dimension. Today, rare are the boats which don’t count a Boko on their board, even certain became captain.
Page 18
Military Organization
As a result of their egalitarian status, the Utopians don’t have an army or something equivalent. Give orders of Obey at the orders is outside of their conception. That don’t prevent a certain hierarchy and a repartition of the role, equally the daily work when it needed to fight.
On the deck of the Caraques
The trading didn’t be always easy, at the fight like at the maneuver; each knew his place and his role, the last seaman at the captain. It is in their complementarily that the Utopians sailors excel, the equality and the support which link them each other.
It is in function of the abilities, that each showed during his fourth cycle, the roles distributed, without consider his origin or his sex. The youngest or those are navigating with other boat receive the generic position, this one must show their value during the trip to can participate at the stealing. Loyal sailors at their boat, the seaman who carry out a second trip are sure to participate at the stealing and receive a Kunturi.
The elites among these shooters, Sharpshooters and Perforashooters, benefit of a additional day break as soon as the boat approach the coasts. It is when the boat left the port, the major is electing. This is very often a experienced seaman who know well the boat and his captain, rarest a officer. Henceforth, each know his role and answer at the calls of the officers ands of the master craftsmen.
When the coasts approach and which arrive the time to land to do the trading, it is for each to assert his rights. Then, the Major have strong to do and assist the captain in this choice of the locations and of the teams who reach the shore.
Back on the Great Island, the cargo is selling and the benefit shared. The ship-owner receive three parts, the captain and the seconds two parts, the master craftsmen receive one and half part and all the others seamen a simple part. The major receive an additional part. In case of fight, only those who took part at the fight participate in the sharing, each has an equal part.

The Artefacers
The great momentum of the Come Back Expedition propelled the Artefacers innovations too. With the elements recovered at Forteza, they created the Kunturi and developed the K’unti which equips theirs tools.
Page 19
Even they don’t be fighter neither seamen, now it’s rare a boat leave on expedition without have one of them on board. Their knowledge of artifact functioning come in quick handy, when an artifact became useless, perhaps dangerous for his own bearer. Yet, they must be found a role on the boat to make accept their disability of the terrestrials. But it’s not the works which miss and often they find to do in the Cambuse.
Legends Hunters
Distinguished sailors, the legends hunters furrow the Corrente at the research of monsters which, according to them, keep theirs brothers’ prisoners. These are also them who escort the Bokors until the Submerged Archipelago to harvest the Antasmoisa.
A long time, they sail alone on board of their Esneques at the edge of the Espacot. Of this unexplored borders, often they brought back bones of marine animals, telling the epic fight which had to make them master of this beasts.
The barking of theirs strange dogs silenced the cheerful people.
Today, despite the Come Back Expedition, they continue to sail on the outskirts of the Espacot, convinced it is here where the danger resides.

el_ludo
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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  el_ludo le Mer 22 Mar 2017 - 21:36

guys, someone to readback, please

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  mallachain le Lun 3 Avr 2017 - 23:12

Suggestions in red
Text I don't understand in green

I have to do this one in smaller chunks.


Page 12
The little cove where it sits is not able to welcome the large ships of the Utopian navies, but the proximity of Ria Molhe and its windmills maintains a certain level of activity. Although the port does not have big warehouses, nor the ropery of Free Port,  the reputation of its carpenters attracts major captains. Furthermore, Port Salvador has an asset which Sarre Cossa desire, the most direct access to Forteza.
The inside of the island is virtually uninhabited. Little hamlets are settled along the banks of the two Ria. The generally appear around a windmill, which the owner uses to process the flax, and breed llamas.
An exception is Forteza. The Utopians quickly recognized the unnatural origin of this deep, vertical cave, and discovered an abandoned Naashti citadel. Over many cycles, the original campsite grew to become the town of Forteza.
Built on the vertical walls of the abyss, Forteza is a conglomeration of bridges, scaffolds and huts, with a single purpose: to house the Artefacers who live and experiment here.
Since the catastrophe of cycle 1353, each Artefacer group carefully maintains its scaffold, far from each of the other groups to avoid a repeat of the chain of explosions. However, the appearance of Naashtis at the bottom of the abyss have changed the rules of the game.


CHORA
The lone island at the edge of the Espacot, CHORA welcomes the unnatural creatures that cannot live in the middle of the Utopians. Protected and nursed by the Bokor, Manikin, Vumbi and Necromorph wander while waiting to depart on a boat. Beyond the little port, the island houses just a few cabans of communities which surround the many caves where the Pujlanar shelter.

mallachain
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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  mallachain le Mar 4 Avr 2017 - 0:25

LISO ISLANDS
An important stop for outgoing boats to the Seque, the Liso Islands provide sufficient quantities of fresh water and smoke meats. Many artisans settled on floating Balsae to offer their services to passing ships. These islands offer sanctuary to the Scravos, those who flee the Avalonian kingdom to join the UTOPIA.

The islands of Seque
The advancement of sailing techniques has allowed the Utopians safer and more frequent crossings to the Mornea continent.
The great ocean current, which helps them return to the great island, also allows ships to travel towards Molhe and the Avalonian coasts, which they call Engolimo.
Utopian ships can navigate in the brackish waters of the lonely islands. The most reckless captains have found ways to take heavy loads of wood to exchange on the great island.
Chance encounters with Avalonians, despite the cultural differences, rarely causes conflict. The Avalonians, having never travelled, take the Utopians for people of another Barony.
Recent cartographic expeditions launched in the last cycle by the Fallen Barony are slowing Utopian expeditions.
Further up the Avalonian coast, Utopians have built encampments shrouded in the thick fogs of Nascer Engolimo. Since the end of cycle 1369, they have built some balsa against the widest islands. The construction of flat-bottomed barges now allows them to wind the Ciar Arms.

Page 13
The Utopian Society
History strongly marked the Utopians, who only survived thanks to their unity and mutual aid. Despite a few attempts in the last few cycles, no leader has managed to break the Utopians egalitarian freedom.

The Family
Family structure breeds the Utopians equality. Women and men are freed from their duties and have the same responsibility to raise their children. Indeed, it's not uncommon for a seaman to return from an expedition and let his wife take his place on the next expedition. Children are educated jointly, or singly, by both parents. Whatever their job, they must spend the child's first three cycles on a Balsao. This allows the child to eventually be fully accepted into Utopian society.
At the age of 4 cycles, children choose one or a few instructors who educate them in careers. Although initiated into several professions, at the end of the cycle, they must choose one that they will pursue when they become UTOPIAN.

The Majorat
At each new cycle, Utopians choose among themselves one who will speak for them and settle disputes, the Major.
In each Balsae, each village and on each ship, a Major is chosen. The Major listens to the needs of the people and makes sure they can perform their duties. Not only does the Major handle internal disputes, but also works with neighboring Majors. Meetings between Majors are common and productive.
Due to its large population, Port Libre has three Majors. The large Balsao, lead for many cycles by the seamen of the Cord family, has co-Majors of Nathar and Grainn, brother and sister who have taken the position since the loss of their father. Their opposition at the military options prevailed at the choice of their cousin, Claes. The landlubber village, next to the port, is lead by Moleiro, and ancient "Foulonnier," friendly with the Co-Majors.

Sarre Cossa has been Major of the biggest Utopian port for two cycles. An ancient captain of the Return Expedition, he has shown himself to be a vital spokesperson for the seamen, at the expense of other captains. After questioning Avalonian prisoners, he insisted other captains help to settle a colony on Nascer Engolimo. Triumphant, he was easily elected Major of the port.
Now he has one goal, conquer the old land of Engolimo. He secretly dreams of building a living boat with the Beathancrann wood. Despite the help of the Bokors, his campaign is countered by the Cord Co-Majors and by the Artefacers.


The Balsae
Traditional Utopian housing, the Balsae are large floating islands with huts set on top. Built of bundled reeds, linked one with the other, their legendary origins goes back to the establishment of the first island dweller of the submerged archipelago.
Always moving, a Balsao is an assembly of many familial platforms, but is, in the main, a place to live. A child raised in freedom, like an aquatic bird. Utopians practice their traditional activities, fishing, gardening, weaving and basketwork, pottery, and even metalwork.

mallachain
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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  mallachain le Mar 4 Avr 2017 - 1:16


Page 14
The Seamen
Formerly considered the same importance of other careers, the functions of seamen have taken on greater importance since the construction of the Return Flotilla.
Today, young Utopians choose, en masse, seamen instructors. The activities of seaman, chalkier, carpenter, cook, surgeon and especially pilot or sailor have become in such demand, the Major is obliged to shoos among the young applicants. This has created dissatisfaction and feelings of injustice among some.
On the deck of a ship, as on a Balsao, the egalitarian Utopian society is manifest. Each seaman, from the apprentice sailor to the captain, man or woman, has the same right, in particular, the right to speak. It is rare for a captain to be named Major on a ship. In the beginning, each seaman was part owner of the ship in which he participated in building and sailing. So duties were divided up between the seamen, without considering the rank or function; the role of each seaman on a ship is important. Since the construction began during cycles 1367 and 1368, and the dividing of the construction work among multiple trades, it is impossible for a craftsperson to feel bound to a particular ship.
When they take on like a seaman, so they did not do on a ship, but on this of a ship-owner, a family or a Balsao.
On board ship, equality of voice stays the same, but sharing is no longer as simple as divvying up.


Blue square
“No trade without exchange, no exchange without deal, no deal without axes “
Is this supposed to be taxes?

Capitana Evhan.
The notion of trade is all relative to the Utopian seamen. When they voyage on the sea to trade, all are focused on acquiring useful goods for their family, their ship, their balsa, or to exchange on the Liso Islands or on the Great Islands. Whether by trade or plunder, doesn't enter into consideration. Only the quantity of the trade matters, the price paid in relation to the acquired merchandise.
The loose of a value officer is, in example offset by a filled hold.


THE SHIPS
For a long time, Utopian flotillas consisted of long outriggers equipped with a simple sail, the Arawas, developed from the island dweller culture, and a long boat with a square sail, the patched Esneques of the ancient Avalonians. With the availability of wood on the Great Island, the construction of ships with holds and superior decks can be built. The Cogue and the Esneques with a superior deck then appeared.
After a few cycles sailing, carpenters build a ship with a rounded hull, equipped with two masts and two decks, the Caraque was born. It didn't take long for this ship to prove it's worth and the Caraque became the Utopians ship of choice.
Caraques were equipped with separate holds and some even had a middle deck. Beyond the utility of multiple holds for the transport of differing merchandise, captains trading in the Seque can keep the Pujlanar awry from the crew during the crossing.
With castles at the fore and aft equipped with room for the majority of the crew and a separate place for officers to meet. Since meeting with merchant ships, these two castles are being enlarged. Utopian seamen tower over Avalonian or Triadic ships and can Hoist the Colors!

Page 15
The island dweller
On a hundred of occupation of the Great Island, Utopians rediscovered the live of Earth. The early explorations of the island went up the two rivers and didn't give them much reason to settle among the long grass. Wild pigs roamed on the coast and inland. When the Utopian explorations reached the edge of the large forest, a lumber camp was established. The discovery of the large wooly herbivorous animals in the mountains was the next reason to settle inland. The major discovery, made by an old woman, was the quality of the long grasses. The canes were woody and allowed them to make ropes and even canvas.
Temporary encampments near the river changed slowly into hamlets. Some windmills were built, hemp was cultivated, then flax, llamas were domesticated and shorn. The Utopians became island dwellers, as least some of them. However, despite the necessary usefulness of their professions, those who lived inland considered themselves second class Utopians. In particular, their children didn't easily find instructors at the port, despite agreements between the Majors.

The Scravos
For ten cycles, ships which cross the Current to Engolimo benefited from the help of local fishermen. At first, encouraged by hostage taking, this help became coveted by those that wanted a chance to cross the sea on the deck of Utopian shops. Real friendship was cemented between the Avalonian fishermen and Utopian seamen. At this point, some secretly left the Barony to live in UTOPIA. These are named the Scravos.
Most Scravos are found on the Liso Islands. They specialize in the drying of meat and fish. These skills lets some refugees secretly hope to be accepted on a departing ship.
Pirr Gerff, a refugee for two cycles, gathers others on Liso-Do-Nascer. He has created an independent Balsao, nearly fifty platforms strong, and hopes to be named the Major, despite his recent trip to the Great Island. The Scravos wait for him to build a ship which can be their own and show the Utopians they are equals.




mallachain
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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  mallachain le Mar 4 Avr 2017 - 2:02

el_ludo a écrit:
Page 16
The Antasmoisa
From time immemorial, the Bokor have created a drink from the Blue Algae with calming and euphoric effects. The Indigo Liquor erased their worries and memories, but was extremely addictive. Use was strictly watched and limited during times of shortage.
Nurses were the guardians of the dangerous drink. Only they knew the secret which allowed them to extract the Antasmoisa drug and make the Indigo Liquor. Yet, there was always a Boko, man or woman, who was immune to the Algae, just as others became dependent on the drug.
Step by step, they lost all appetite and memory. Their flesh became pale and cold, taking on a blue color. They strived to recover warmth, which they took by sucking the blood of other Bokor.
They became the undead, the Pujlanar, isolated on the distant island close to the Antasmoisa reef. In their exodus, they constantly chewed on the long filaments of Algae.
The Bokor claimed they could survive more than ten times ten cycles with this diet, but no nurses checked.

THE MUTATIONS
When Irmao considered what he could derive from the Antasmoisa, he stopped to mourn for the grafts. He had constantly sought the secrets of the nurses and to attempt his own experiments. Under his egalitarian outlook, he met a Beathacrann Cultist and despaired of the potential loss of the grafts carried by the few exiles. Indeed, the templar charged him to stay among the outlawed and to retrieve the grafts in order to return them to the holy tree.
The life gain offered by the Indigo drug allowed him to maintain the life of the grafts, even after it's bearer had a heart attack. It's analgesic properties allowed him to surgically remove the graft and implant it in a new bearer who didn't suffer, unlike what happened in Avalon. He sought to send news of his discovery to his brother at the Temple.
Now, the nurses worked with Irmao and actively participated in his research. The time spend, the word Bokor designated just this one. Under their expert hand, the Blue Algae could be reduced to a thick power which could be ingest in liquid (alcoholic or non) at different concentrations, in ointments or poultices. But no matter the form, the use of Antasmoisa always induced mutations and denatured the grafts.
Feeling his end coming, Irmao knew he had failed. Failed in his mission, given to him by his brothers, failed in the multiplication and safeguard of the grafts. Unknown to the Bokor who assisted him, he attempted one last experiment on his own graft and disappeared.

PAGE 17
The Pujlanars
Irmao's work with the Bokors had huge repercussions on the Pujlanars. The Indigo drug offered them longevity and erased their pain. The grafts given to them allowed them to understand orders, even to take initiative. Despite this, they are still dangerous and more eager of the head of live bodies again. Those allowed to live among the Utopians must be watched by the Bokors or eventually, by dedicated guards.
During the Big Storm, the most dangers were abandoned and few had the opportunity to get on the ships.
On the Great Island, the announcement of the Indigo Liquor shortage forced the Utopians to again exile the Pujlanars, who were sent to Chora Island.
The first cycles were awful. The lack of Antasmoisa awoke the hidden pains of the Pujlanars. Their pained screams, sometimes carried by the wind, created many legends on Cape Molhe.
The Bokors stayed close, and tried to cure those that didn't go mad. The cure came from a tainted blue stone close to the algae color. The stone, reduced to a powder that the Bokor could inhale, is then regurgitated on the head of the Pujlanars.

The Bokors
Heirs of ancient traditions they don't understand and living as recluses on Chora, the Bokors study the Alchemy of the Ocean. With these skills, they composed formulas that they use to protect the Pujlanars. The Bokor can approach them in safety to bring them the care they need.
The discovery of Forteza and the need of the Artefacers allowed the Pujlanars out of their isolation. Utopians discovered the power of the Bokors and made hast to use them.
The inventive talent of the Utopians and the influx of young followers did the rest. The Bokors were quickly able to protect the ships in their trips to the Submerged Archipelago to harvest Antasmoisa.
A captain more reckless than the others, Qhari Sunqu, dared to add Pujlanars, under the watch of a Boko, to his crew. He came back from Engolimo with full holds, elected Major by his sailors. Trade took on a new dimension. Today, rare are the boats which don't have a Boko on board. Some even become captains.

mallachain
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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  mallachain le Mar 4 Avr 2017 - 2:32

el_ludo a écrit:to readback, please


Page 18
Military Organization
As a result of their egalitarian state, Utopians don't have an army or equivalent. Orders that must be obeyed are a foreign concept. This doesn't prevent a hierarchy and division of roles, equal to daily work when there is a need to fight.
On the deck of the Caraques, trading isn't alway easy. Fighting is like maneuvering the ship; each knows his place and his role, from the last seaman to the captain. It is in their harmony that Utopian sailors excel, the equality and support which link them to each other. It is the function of the abilities that each showed during his fourth cycle, and the roles earned without consideration of origin or sex. During a voyage, the youngest or newest on the ship must show their value before they can participate in raids. Loyal sailors to a ship, seamen who carry out a second voyage, are sure to participate in raids and receive a Kunturi.
The elite among the shooters, Sharpshooters and Perforashooters, benefit of a additional day break as soon as the boat approach the coasts. As soon as a ship leaves port, the Major is elected. This is very often an experienced seaman who knows the ship and his captain well. It is rarely an officer. Henceforth, each knows his role and answers the calls of the officers and the master craftsmen.
When they approach the coast and the time to land and trade arrives, it is time for each to assert his rights. The Major assists the Captain in his choice of landing locations and teams who go ashore. Back on the Great Island, the cargo is sold and the return shared. The ship-owner receives three-parts, the Captain and the seconds two parts, the master craftsmen each receive one-and-a-half part and all the other seaman one part. The Major receives an additional part. In case of battle, only those who take part in the fight get a share of the loot, and each has an equal part.

The Artefacers
The great momentum of the Return Expedition propelled Artefacer innovations. With the elements recovered at Forteza, they created the Kunturi and developed the K'unti.

Page 19
Even though they aren't fighters or seamen, it's a rare ship to leave on an expedition without one of them. Their knowledge of the function of artifacts comes in quite handy, when an artifact becomes useless and perhaps dangerous for it's own bearer.  Yet they must find a role on the ship to make accept their disability of the terrestrials. But it’s not the works which miss and often they find to do in the Cambuse.

Legend Hunters
Distinguished sailors, the Legend Hunters follow the Current in the search of monsters, which, according to them, keep their brothers prisoner. These also escort the Bokors to the Submerged Archipelago to harvest Antasmoisa.
Long they sail alone on board their Esneques at the edge of the Espacot. Of these unexplored borders, they often bring back bones of marine animals, telling of the epic fights which made them master of the beasts.
The barking of their strange dogs silence cheerful people.
Today, despair the Return Expedition, they continue to sail on the edge of the Espacot, convinced it is where the danger lives.


mallachain
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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  el_ludo le Mer 26 Avr 2017 - 13:16

mallachain a écrit:Suggestions in red
Text I don't understand in green

I have to do this one in smaller chunks.


Page 12
The little cove where it sits is not able to welcome the large ships of the Utopian navies, but the proximity of Ria Molhe and its windmills maintains a certain level of activity. Although the port does not have big warehouses, nor the ropery manufacture of ropes or Corderie of Free Port,  the reputation of its carpenters attracts major captains. Furthermore, Port Salvador has an asset which Sarre Cossa desire, the most direct access to Forteza.
The inside of the island is virtually uninhabited. Little hamlets are settled along the banks of the two Ria. The generally appear around a windmill, which the owner uses to process the flax, and breed llamas.
An exception is Forteza. The Utopians quickly recognized the unnatural origin of this deep, vertical cave, and discovered an abandoned Naashti citadel. Over many cycles, the original campsite grew to become the town of Forteza.
Built on the vertical walls of the abyss, Forteza is a conglomeration of bridges, scaffolds and huts, with a single purpose: to house the Artefacers who live and experiment here.
Since the catastrophe of cycle 1353, each Artefacer group carefully maintains its scaffold, far from each of the other groups to avoid a repeat of the chain of explosions. However, the appearance of Naashtis at the bottom of the abyss have changed the rules of the game.


CHORA
The lone island at the edge of the Espacot, CHORA welcomes the unnatural creatures that cannot live in the middle of the Utopians. Protected and nursed by the Bokor, Manikin, Vumbi and Necromorph wander while waiting to depart on a boat. Beyond the little port, the island houses just a few cabans of communities which surround the many caves where the Pujlanar shelter.

My suggestions in blue

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  el_ludo le Mer 26 Avr 2017 - 13:19

mallachain a écrit:LISO ISLANDS
An important stop for outgoing boats to the Seque, the Liso Islands provide sufficient quantities of fresh water and smoke meats. Many artisans settled on floating Balsae to offer their services to passing ships. These islands offer sanctuary to the Scravos, those who flee the Avalonian kingdom to join the UTOPIA.

The islands of Seque
The advancement of sailing techniques has allowed the Utopians safer and more frequent crossings to the Mornea continent.
The great ocean current, which helps them return to the great island, also allows ships to travel towards Molhe and the Avalonian coasts, which they call Engolimo.
Utopian ships can navigate in the brackish waters of the lonely islands. The most reckless captains have found ways to take heavy loads of wood to exchange on the great island.
Chance encounters with Avalonians, despite the cultural differences, rarely causes conflict. The Avalonians, having never travelled, take the Utopians for people of another Barony.
Recent cartographic expeditions launched in the last cycle by the Fallen Barony are slowing Utopian expeditions.
Further up the Avalonian coast, Utopians have built encampments shrouded in the thick fogs of Nascer Engolimo. Since the end of cycle 1369, they have built some balsa against the widest islands. The construction of flat-bottomed barges now allows them to wind the Ciar Arms.

Page 13
The Utopian Society
History strongly marked the Utopians, who only survived thanks to their unity and mutual aid. Despite a few attempts in the last few cycles, no leader has managed to break the Utopians egalitarian freedom.

The Family
Family structure breeds the Utopians equality. Women and men are freed from their duties and have the same responsibility to raise their children. Indeed, it's not uncommon for a seaman to return from an expedition and let his wife take his place on the next expedition. Children are educated jointly, or singly, by both parents. Whatever their job, they must spend the child's first three cycles on a Balsao. This allows the child to eventually be fully accepted into Utopian society.
At the age of 4 cycles, children choose one or a few instructors who educate them in careers. Although initiated into several professions, at the end of the cycle, they must choose one that they will pursue when they become UTOPIAN.

The Majorat
At each new cycle, Utopians choose among themselves one who will speak for them and settle disputes, the Major.
In each Balsae, each village and on each ship, a Major is chosen. The Major listens to the needs of the people and makes sure they can perform their duties. Not only does the Major handle internal disputes, but also works with neighboring Majors. Meetings between Majors are common and productive.
Due to its large population, Port Libre has three Majors. The large Balsao, lead for many cycles by the seamen of the Cord family, has co-Majors of Nathar and Grainn, brother and sister who have taken the position since the loss of their father. TheirBrother and Sister opposition at the military options prevailed at the choice of their cousin, Claes. The landlubber village, next to the port, is lead by Moleiro, and ancient "Foulonnier," friendly with the Co-Majors.

Sarre Cossa has been Major of the biggest Utopian port for two cycles. An ancient captain of the Return Expedition, he has shown himself to be a vital spokesperson for the seamen, at the expense of other captains. After questioning Avalonian prisoners, he insisted other captains help to settle a colony on Nascer Engolimo. Triumphant, he was easily elected Major of the port.
Now he has one goal, conquer the old land of Engolimo. He secretly dreams of building a living boat with the Beathancrann wood. Despite the help of the Bokors, his campaign is countered by the Cord Co-Majors and by the Artefacers.


The Balsae
Traditional Utopian housing, the Balsae are large floating islands with huts set on top. Built of bundled reeds, linked one with the other, their legendary origins goes back to the establishment of the first island dweller of the submerged archipelago.
Always moving, a Balsao is an assembly of many familial platforms, but is, in the main, a place to live. A child raised in freedom, like an aquatic bird. Utopians practice their traditional activities, fishing, gardening, weaving and basketwork, pottery, and even metalwork.

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  el_ludo le Mer 26 Avr 2017 - 13:22

mallachain a écrit:

Page 14
The Seamen
Formerly considered the same importance of other careers, the functions of seamen have taken on greater importance since the construction of the Return Flotilla.
Today, young Utopians choose, en masse, seamen instructors. The activities of seaman, chalkier, carpenter, cook, surgeon and especially pilot or sailor have become in such demand, the Major is obliged to shoos among the young applicants. This has created dissatisfaction and feelings of injustice among some.
On the deck of a ship, as on a Balsao, the egalitarian Utopian society is manifest. Each seaman, from the apprentice sailor to the captain, man or woman, has the same right, in particular, the right to speak. It is rare for a captain to be named Major on a ship. In the beginning, each seaman was part owner of the ship in which he participated in building and sailing. So duties were divided up between the seamen, without considering the rank or function; the role of each seaman on a ship is important. Since the construction began during cycles 1367 and 1368, and the dividing of the construction work among multiple trades, it is impossible for a craftsperson to feel bound to a particular ship.
When they take enroll on like a seaman, so they did not do on a their own ship, but on this of a ship-owner, a family or a Balsao.
On board ship, equality of voice stays the same, but sharing is no longer as simple as divvying up.


Blue square
“No trade without exchange, no exchange without deal, no deal without axes “
Is this supposed to be taxes? no, the text say without axes, to say no deal without fight

Capitana Evhan.
The notion of trade is all relative to the Utopian seamen. When they voyage on the sea to trade, all are focused on acquiring useful goods for their family, their ship, their balsa, or to exchange on the Liso Islands or on the Great Islands. Whether by trade or plunder, doesn't enter into consideration. Only the quantity of the trade matters, the price paid in relation to the acquired merchandise.
The loose of a value officer is, in example offset by a filled hold.


THE SHIPS
For a long time, Utopian flotillas consisted of long outriggers equipped with a simple sail, the Arawas, developed from the island dweller culture, and a long boat with a square sail, the patched Esneques of the ancient Avalonians. With the availability of wood on the Great Island, the construction of ships with holds and superior decks can be built. The Cogue and the Esneques with a superior deck then appeared.
After a few cycles sailing, carpenters build a ship with a rounded hull, equipped with two masts and two decks, the Caraque was born. It didn't take long for this ship to prove it's worth and the Caraque became the Utopians ship of choice.
Caraques were equipped with separate holds and some even had a middle deck. Beyond the utility of multiple holds for the transport of differing merchandise, captains trading in the Seque can keep the Pujlanar awry from the crew during the crossing.
With castles at the fore and aft equipped with room for the majority of the crew and a separate place for officers to meet. Since meeting with merchant ships, these two castles are being enlarged. Utopian seamen tower over Avalonian or Triadic ships and can Hoist the Colors!

Page 15
The island dweller
On In a hundred century of occupation of the Great Island, Utopians rediscovered the live of on Earth. The early explorations of the island went up the two rivers and didn't give them much reason to settle among the long grass. Wild pigs roamed on the coast and inland. When the Utopian explorations reached the edge of the large forest, a lumber camp was established. The discovery of the large wooly herbivorous animals in the mountains was the next reason to settle inland. The major discovery, made by an old woman, was the quality of the long grasses. The canes were woody and allowed them to make ropes and even canvas.
Temporary encampments near the river changed slowly into hamlets. Some windmills were built, hemp was cultivated, then flax, llamas were domesticated and shorn. The Utopians became island dwellers, as least some of them. However, despite the necessary usefulness of their professions, those who lived inland considered themselves second class Utopians. In particular, their children didn't easily find instructors at the port, despite agreements between the Majors.

The Scravos
For ten cycles, ships which cross the Current to Engolimo benefited from the help of local fishermen. At first, encouraged by hostage taking, this help became coveted by those that wanted a chance to cross the sea on the deck of Utopian shops. Real friendship was cemented between the Avalonian fishermen and Utopian seamen. At this point, some secretly left the Barony to live in UTOPIA. These are named the Scravos.
Most Scravos are found on the Liso Islands. They specialize in the drying of meat and fish. These skills lets some refugees secretly hope to be accepted on a departing ship.
Pirr Gerff, a refugee for two cycles, gathers others on Liso-Do-Nascer. He has created an independent Balsao, nearly fifty platforms strong, and hopes to be named the Major, despite his recent trip to the Great Island. The Scravos wait for him to build a ship which can be their own and show the Utopians they are equals.




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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  el_ludo le Mer 26 Avr 2017 - 13:24

mallachain a écrit:
el_ludo a écrit:
Page 16
The Antasmoisa
From time immemorial, the Bokor have created a drink from the Blue Algae with calming and euphoric effects. The Indigo Liquor erased their worries and memories, but was extremely addictive. Use was strictly watched and limited during times of shortage.
Nurses were the guardians of the dangerous drink. Only they knew the secret which allowed them to extract the Antasmoisa drug and make the Indigo Liquor. Yet, there was always a Boko, man or woman, who was immune to the Algae, just as others became dependent on the drug.
Step by step, they lost all appetite and memory. Their flesh became pale and cold, taking on a blue color. They strived to recover warmth, which they took by sucking the blood of other Bokor.
They became the undead, the Pujlanar, isolated on the distant island close to the Antasmoisa reef. In their exodus, they constantly chewed on the long filaments of Algae.
The Bokor claimed they could survive more than ten times ten cycles with this diet, but no nurses checked.

THE MUTATIONS
When Irmao considered what he could derive from the Antasmoisa, he stopped to mourn for the grafts. He had constantly sought the secrets of the nurses and to attempt his own experiments. Under his egalitarian outlook, he met a Beathacrann Cultist and despaired of the potential loss of the grafts carried by the few exiles. Indeed, the templar charged him to stay among the outlawed and to retrieve the grafts in order to return them to the holy tree.
The life gain offered by the Indigo drug allowed him to maintain the life of the grafts, even after it's bearer had a heart attack. It's analgesic properties allowed him to surgically remove the graft and implant it in a new bearer who didn't suffer, unlike what happened in Avalon. He sought to send news of his discovery to his brother at the Temple.
Now, the nurses worked with Irmao and actively participated in his research. The time spend, the word Bokor designated just this one. Themself. Under their expert hand, the Blue Algae could be reduced to a thick power which could be ingest in liquid (alcoholic or non) at different concentrations, in ointments or poultices. But no matter the form, the use of Antasmoisa always induced mutations and denatured the grafts.
Feeling his end coming, Irmao knew he had failed. Failed in his mission, given to him by his brothers, failed in the multiplication and safeguard of the grafts. Unknown to the Bokor who assisted him, he attempted one last experiment on his own graft and disappeared.

PAGE 17
The Pujlanars
Irmao's work with the Bokors had huge repercussions on the Pujlanars. The Indigo drug offered them longevity and erased their pain. The grafts given to them allowed them to understand orders, even to take initiative. Despite this, they are still dangerous and more eager of the head heat of live bodies again. Those allowed to live among the Utopians must be watched by the Bokors or eventually, by dedicated guards.
During the Big Storm, the most dangers were abandoned and few had the opportunity to get on the ships.
On the Great Island, the announcement of the Indigo Liquor shortage forced the Utopians to again exile the Pujlanars, who were sent to Chora Island.
The first cycles were awful. The lack of Antasmoisa awoke the hidden pains of the Pujlanars. Their pained screams, sometimes carried by the wind, created many legends on Cape Molhe.
The Bokors stayed close, and tried to cure those that didn't go mad. The cure came from a tainted blue stone close to the algae color. The stone, reduced to a powder that the Bokor could inhale, is then regurgitated on the head of the Pujlanars.

The Bokors
Heirs of ancient traditions they don't understand and living as recluses on Chora, the Bokors study the Alchemy of the Ocean. With these skills, they composed formulas that they use to protect the Pujlanars. The Bokor can approach them in safety to bring them the care they need.
The discovery of Forteza and the need of the Artefacers allowed the Pujlanars out of their isolation. Utopians discovered the power of the Bokors and made hast to use them.
The inventive talent of the Utopians and the influx of young followers did the rest. The Bokors were quickly able to protect the ships in their trips to the Submerged Archipelago to harvest Antasmoisa.
A captain more reckless than the others, Qhari Sunqu, dared to add Pujlanars, under the watch of a Boko, to his crew. He came back from Engolimo with full holds, elected Major by his sailors. Trade took on a new dimension. Today, rare are the boats which don't have a Boko on board. Some even become captains.

my suggestions

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

Message  el_ludo le Mer 26 Avr 2017 - 13:27

mallachain a écrit:
el_ludo a écrit:to readback, please


Page 18
Military Organization
As a result of their egalitarian state, Utopians don't have an army or equivalent. Orders that must be obeyed are a foreign concept. This doesn't prevent a hierarchy and division of roles, equal to daily work when there is a need to fight.
On the deck of the Caraques, trading isn't alway easy. Fighting is like maneuvering the ship; each knows his place and his role, from the last seaman to the captain. It is in their harmony that Utopian sailors excel, the equality and support which link them to each other. It is the function of the abilities that each showed during his fourth cycle, and the roles earned without consideration of origin or sex. During a voyage, the youngest or newest on the ship must show their value before they can participate in raids. Loyal sailors to a ship, seamen who carry out a second voyage, are sure to participate in raids and receive a Kunturi.
The elite among the shooters, Sharpshooters and Perforashooters, benefit of a additional day break an extra rest day as soon as the boat approach the coasts. As soon as a ship leaves port, the Major is elected. This is very often an experienced seaman who knows the ship and his captain well. It is rarely an officer. Henceforth, each knows his role and answers the calls of the officers and the master craftsmen.
When they approach the coast and the time to land and trade arrives, it is time for each to assert his rights. The Major assists the Captain in his choice of landing locations and teams who go ashore. Back on the Great Island, the cargo is sold and the return shared. The ship-owner receives three-parts, the Captain and the seconds two parts, the master craftsmen each receive one-and-a-half part and all the other seaman one part. The Major receives an additional part. In case of battle, only those who take part in the fight get a share of the loot, and each has an equal part.

The Artefacers
The great momentum of the Return Expedition propelled Artefacer innovations. With the elements recovered at Forteza, they created the Kunturi and developed the K'unti.

Page 19
Even though they aren't fighters or seamen, it's a rare ship to leave on an expedition without one of them. Their knowledge of the function of artifacts comes in quite handy, when an artifact becomes useless and perhaps dangerous for it's own bearer.  Yet they must find a role on the ship to make accept their disability of the terrestrials Earthman. But it’s not the works which miss and often they find to do in the Cambuse.

Legend Hunters
Distinguished sailors, the Legend Hunters follow the Current in the search of monsters, which, according to them, keep their brothers prisoner. These also escort the Bokors to the Submerged Archipelago to harvest Antasmoisa.
Long they sail alone on board their Esneques at the edge of the Espacot. Of these unexplored borders, they often bring back bones of marine animals, telling of the epic fights which made them master of the beasts.
The barking of their strange dogs silence cheerful people.
Today, despair the Return Expedition, they continue to sail on the edge of the Espacot, convinced it is where the danger lives.


My suggestions

el_ludo
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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 6

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