UTOPIA BOOK PART 4, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

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UTOPIA BOOK PART 4, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  el_ludo le Mer 15 Fév 2017 - 13:06

For a read back, plz

Page 9
FORTEZA
At the base of the outside hill, beyond the Ria Molhe, hided, at the heart of a covered plateau of high grass, a huge abyss which the Utopians believed unfathomable a long time.
The manufactured ropes for the boat found here a new job. It needed barely more of one Selene for the explorers, of ledges of projection, reach the bottom of the abyss. Despite, the rocky mass of the collapse of the ceiling, it did not doubt a part of the wide cave did dig and maybe lived.
The researches and excavations result at the discovery of a network of underground galleries at the weird architecture.
Many corridors collapsed, but it subsisted big rooms with carved columns, which offer theirs treasures at the explorers.
Some among the discoverers settle on place in order to study the people who had live in the basement, maybe not human being and to understand the function of the discover artefacts.
It will be long to tell the try, the despondency, the false hope and the half succeed of those who called themselves [ Artefacers]. As time the cycles passed, a colony settled on the widest ledges and a basic elevator system, operated by llamas built.
This was Katari, a young artefacers, who had the idea to activate an artefact with Marine’s powder, which they found in the underground. She lost her right arm, but provided the solution at her community.
The research move at big steps. Test rooms was quickly settle in the well colony. A race started between the artefacers, at the one who found how to control the artefacts for the utopians could use them.
No one did not know how this happen, but a big explosion destroyed the ledges and the colony which installed on. The artefacers who stayed in the galleries did not find anything among the wreckage; the biggest artefacts was destroy for good.
They stayed at the bottom of the abyss, 14 longs days before, one of the surface come to ask what happen at the well.
The colony had rebuilt, but on few ledges separate and, on the edge of the abyss, the small village of Forteza had built in order to permit a constant communication with the surface.
“The research resumed, with enough success, the sailors can be equipped of artefact” VIRATO

P10
THE COME BACK
Few, among the best UTOPIA sailors, expressed the hope, which the legends of their people had founded on a reality, a big land beyond the Corrente. A big land where theirs brothers had maintained hostage by monsters.
These sailors, The Legends Hunters, travel the Corrente on theirs ships without hold, at the image of “Esneques ancient”. They researched tirelessly the supposed marine creatures which are trapped theirs lost brothers.
The explorations always more far of the utopians boat just confirm theirs doubts. In few cycles, they succeed to convince a lot of the captains and Majors and the Come Back expedition had approve. It should two entire cycles to build the Carracks dedicate at the journey. The maritime trading had directed in this only goal and Mornea Coast paid their wood tribute.
The recognition boat designated an arrival point at Nascer Engolimo. The expedition was a real success despite many losses in the utopians crew. A thick fog permit to progress by water and by land without draw attention. Then a group of soldiers heavily armed set upon them.
These ones fought until the death to protect one of them. It was hard for the utopians to understand exactly what happened, despite the long questioning whitch the Captain Cossa did suffer at the Avalonian prisoners.
A Colony, protected by the persistent fog of the place, had settle on few islands and the boats came back, with a new destination of trading
However, otherwise the utopians succeeded to settle lastingly on the avalonian south coast and make contact with the fishers of the dark barony, a new treat come on the Great Island.
First, insidiously, some galleries collapsed at Forteza. Then some artefacers did not reappear. It should become alle too clear, something fussed in the deep of the well.
Something, which did not want them
It was two cycles ago.


Dernière édition par el_ludo le Mer 12 Avr 2017 - 13:27, édité 1 fois

el_ludo
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Messages : 149
Date d'inscription : 10/09/2011

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 4, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  mallachain le Mer 1 Mar 2017 - 18:56

Suggestions in red.
Text I don't understand in green.

el_ludo a écrit:For a read back, plz

Page 9
FORTEZA
Hidden beyond the Ria Molhe, at the heart of a plateau covered in high grass lies an abyss which the Utopians long believed was bottomless.
Ropes from the ships found new purpose here. It took the explorers barely more than one Selene to maneuver the ledges and reach the bottom of the abyss. Despite the rocky mass of the collapsed ceiling, there was no doubt that a part of the cavern was artificial.
Further excavations resulted in the discovery of a network of underground galleries and weird architecture.
Many corridors were collapsed, but large rooms with carved columns still existed which offered their treasures to the explorers.
Some of the investigators settled in the caverns in order to study the people (perhaps not human) who had lived there and to try and understand the functions of the artifacts found therein.
Those who call themselves [Artefacers] overcame despondency at their false hopes and half-successes. As the cycles passed, a colony settled on the widest ledges of the abyss and a basic elevator system powered by llamas was built.
A young artefacer, Katari, discovered that Marine's Powder (also discovered in the caverns) could be used to activate the artifacts. She lost her right arm in the process, but provided a solution to her community.
With this discovery, research advanced in great leaps. Test rooms were quickly settled in the colony. A race began between the artefacers to discover how to control the artifacts so the Utopians could use them.
No one knows how it happened, but a large explosion destroyed the ledges and the colony built upon them. The artefacers that were in the galleries did not find anything among the wreckage; the largest artefacts were destroyed.
They stayed at the bottom of the abyss for 14 long days before anyone from the surface came to investigate.
The colony was rebuilt, but on fewer, more separated ledges. On the edge of the abyss, the small village of Forteza was built in order to permit constant communication with the surface.
"The research resumed. With enough success, the sailors can be equipped with artefacts." VIRATO



P10
THE COME BACK
Few among the UTOPIA sailors believed the legends of their people - that a large land lies beyond the Current. A land where their brothers are held hostage by monsters.
These sailors, the Legend Hunters, traveled the Current on their ships without hold, at the image of “Esneques ancient”. They tirelessly researched the supposed marine creatures which trapped their lost brothers.
These explorations always confirmed the doubts of most Utopians. However, in a few cycles, they succeeded in convincing many of the Captains and Majors and the Return Expedition was approved. It took two entire cycles to build the Carracks dedicated to the journey. Maritime trade was focused on this goal and the Mornea Coast paid their wood tribute.
The scout ship landed near Nascer Engolimo. The expedition was a success despite the many losses to the Utopian crew. A thick fog permitted progress by water and land without drawing much attention. They were set upon by a group of heavily armed soldiers.
These soldiers fought until the death to protect one of their own. It was hard for the Utopians to understand exactly what happened, despite Captain Cossa's long questioning of the Avalonian prisoners.
A colony, protected by the persistent fog, had settled on the few islands. The ships returned with news of their new trading destination.
However, despite the Utopians success in settling on the southern Avalonian coast and making contact with the fishermen of The Fallen Barony, a new threat came to the Great Island.
First, some galleries collapsed at Forteza. Then some artefacers disappeared. It should have been clear, something awoke in the heart of the abyss.
Something which did not want them there.
That was two cycles ago.



mallachain
HACHE-HACHE
HACHE-HACHE

Messages : 182
Date d'inscription : 22/12/2014

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 4, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  el_ludo le Mer 22 Mar 2017 - 21:25

mallachain a écrit:Suggestions in red.
Text I don't understand in green.

el_ludo a écrit:For a read back, plz

Page 9
FORTEZA
Hidden beyond the Ria Molhe, at the heart of a plateau covered in high grass lies an abyss which the Utopians long believed was bottomless.
Ropes from the ships found new purpose here. It took the explorers barely more than one Selene to maneuver the ledges and reach the bottom of the abyss. Despite the rocky mass of the collapsed ceiling, there was no doubt that a part of the cavern was artificial.
Further excavations resulted in the discovery of a network of underground galleries and weird architecture.
Many corridors were collapsed, but large rooms with carved columns still existed which offered their treasures to the explorers.
Some of the investigators settled in the caverns in order to study the people (perhaps not human) who had lived there and to try and understand the functions of the artifacts found therein.
Those who call themselves [Artefacers] overcame despondency at their false hopes and half-successes. As the cycles passed, a colony settled on the widest ledges of the abyss and a basic elevator system powered by llamas was built.
A young artefacer, Katari, discovered that Marine's Powder (also discovered in the caverns) could be used to activate the artifacts. She lost her right arm in the process, but provided a solution to her community.
With this discovery, research advanced in great leaps. Test rooms were quickly settled in the colony. A race began between the artefacers to discover how to control the artifacts so the Utopians could use them.
No one knows how it happened, but a large explosion destroyed the ledges and the colony built upon them. The artefacers that were in the galleries did not find anything among the wreckage; the largest artefacts were destroyed.
They stayed at the bottom of the abyss for 14 long days before anyone from the surface came to investigate.
The colony was rebuilt, but on fewer, more separated ledges. On the edge of the abyss, the small village of Forteza was built in order to permit constant communication with the surface.
"The research resumed. With enough success, the sailors can be equipped with artefacts." VIRATO



P10
THE COME BACK
Few among the UTOPIA sailors believed the legends of their people - that a large land lies beyond the Current. A land where their brothers are held hostage by monsters.
These sailors, the Legend Hunters, traveled the Current on their ships without hold boat dock, at the image of like “Esneques ancient”. They tirelessly researched the supposed marine creatures which trapped their lost brothers.
These explorations always confirmed the doubts of most Utopians. However, in a few cycles, they succeeded in convincing many of the Captains and Majors and the Return Expedition was approved. It took two entire cycles to build the Carracks dedicated to the journey. Maritime trade was focused on this goal and the Mornea Coast paid their wood tribute.
The scout ship landed near Nascer Engolimo. The expedition was a success despite the many losses to the Utopian crew. A thick fog permitted progress by water and land without drawing much attention. They were set upon by a group of heavily armed soldiers.
These soldiers fought until the death to protect one of their own. It was hard for the Utopians to understand exactly what happened, despite Captain Cossa's long questioning of the Avalonian prisoners.
A colony, protected by the persistent fog, had settled on the few islands. The ships returned with news of their new trading destination.
However, despite the Utopians success in settling on the southern Avalonian coast and making contact with the fishermen of The Fallen Barony, a new threat came to the Great Island.
First, some galleries collapsed at Forteza. Then some artefacers disappeared. It should have been clear, something awoke in the heart of the abyss.
Something which did not want them there.
That was two cycles ago.



my suggestions in blue

el_ludo
HACHE-HACHE
HACHE-HACHE

Messages : 149
Date d'inscription : 10/09/2011

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 4, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  mallachain le Lun 3 Avr 2017 - 22:28

el_ludo a écrit:
mallachain a écrit:Suggestions in red.
Text I don't understand in green.

el_ludo a écrit:For a read back, plz

P10
THE COME BACK
Few among the UTOPIA sailors believed the legends of their people - that a large land lies beyond the Current. A land where their brothers are held hostage by monsters.
These sailors, the Legend Hunters, traveled the Current on their ships without hold boat dock, at the image of like “Esneques ancient”.

I'm still unclear on “Esneques ancient”.


el_ludo a écrit:
They tirelessly researched the supposed marine creatures which trapped their lost brothers.
These explorations always confirmed the doubts of most Utopians. However, in a few cycles, they succeeded in convincing many of the Captains and Majors and the Return Expedition was approved. It took two entire cycles to build the Carracks dedicated to the journey. Maritime trade was focused on this goal and the Mornea Coast paid their wood tribute.
The scout ship landed near Nascer Engolimo. The expedition was a success despite the many losses to the Utopian crew. A thick fog permitted progress by water and land without drawing much attention. They were set upon by a group of heavily armed soldiers.
These soldiers fought until the death to protect one of their own. It was hard for the Utopians to understand exactly what happened, despite Captain Cossa's long questioning of the Avalonian prisoners.
A colony, protected by the persistent fog, had settled on the few islands. The ships returned with news of their new trading destination.
However, despite the Utopians success in settling on the southern Avalonian coast and making contact with the fishermen of The Fallen Barony, a new threat came to the Great Island.
First, some galleries collapsed at Forteza. Then some artefacers disappeared. It should have been clear, something awoke in the heart of the abyss.
Something which did not want them there.
That was two cycles ago.



my suggestions in blue

mallachain
HACHE-HACHE
HACHE-HACHE

Messages : 182
Date d'inscription : 22/12/2014

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 4, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  el_ludo le Mar 4 Avr 2017 - 9:43

mallachain a écrit:
el_ludo a écrit:
mallachain a écrit:Suggestions in red.
Text I don't understand in green.

el_ludo a écrit:For a read back, plz

P10
THE COME BACK
Few among the UTOPIA sailors believed the legends of their people - that a large land lies beyond the Current. A land where their brothers are held hostage by monsters.
These sailors, the Legend Hunters, traveled the Current on their ships without hold boat dock, at the image of like “Esneques ancient”.

I'm still unclear on “Esneques ancient”. After some research, Esneques is an old french word for vikings boat, so Esneques = Longships


el_ludo a écrit:
They tirelessly researched the supposed marine creatures which trapped their lost brothers.
These explorations always confirmed the doubts of most Utopians. However, in a few cycles, they succeeded in convincing many of the Captains and Majors and the Return Expedition was approved. It took two entire cycles to build the Carracks dedicated to the journey. Maritime trade was focused on this goal and the Mornea Coast paid their wood tribute.
The scout ship landed near Nascer Engolimo. The expedition was a success despite the many losses to the Utopian crew. A thick fog permitted progress by water and land without drawing much attention. They were set upon by a group of heavily armed soldiers.
These soldiers fought until the death to protect one of their own. It was hard for the Utopians to understand exactly what happened, despite Captain Cossa's long questioning of the Avalonian prisoners.
A colony, protected by the persistent fog, had settled on the few islands. The ships returned with news of their new trading destination.
However, despite the Utopians success in settling on the southern Avalonian coast and making contact with the fishermen of The Fallen Barony, a new threat came to the Great Island.
First, some galleries collapsed at Forteza. Then some artefacers disappeared. It should have been clear, something awoke in the heart of the abyss.
Something which did not want them there.
That was two cycles ago.



my suggestions in blue

el_ludo
HACHE-HACHE
HACHE-HACHE

Messages : 149
Date d'inscription : 10/09/2011

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 4, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  el_ludo le Mar 4 Avr 2017 - 9:43

Esneques = longships

ok, for the suggestions

el_ludo
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HACHE-HACHE

Messages : 149
Date d'inscription : 10/09/2011

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 4, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  mallachain le Mer 5 Avr 2017 - 18:07

el_ludo a écrit:
mallachain a écrit:Suggestions in red.
Text I don't understand in green.

el_ludo a écrit:For a read back, plz

P10
THE COME BACK
Few among the UTOPIA sailors believed the legends of their people - that a large land lies beyond the Current. A land where their brothers are held hostage by monsters.
These sailors, the Legend Hunters, traveled the Current on their ships without hold boat dock, at the image of like “Esneques ancient”.

I'm still unclear on “Esneques ancient”.  After some research, Esneques is an old french word for vikings boat,  so Esneques = Longships


IF that's the case, I would change it to: These sailors, the Legend Hunters, travel the Current on their Longships.

mallachain
HACHE-HACHE
HACHE-HACHE

Messages : 182
Date d'inscription : 22/12/2014

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 4, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  el_ludo le Mer 12 Avr 2017 - 13:26

TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Page 9
FORTEZA
Hidden beyond the Ria Molhe, at the heart of a plateau covered in high grass lies an abyss which the Utopians long believed was bottomless.
Ropes from the ships found new purpose here. It took the explorers barely more than one Selene to maneuver the ledges and reach the bottom of the abyss. Despite the rocky mass of the collapsed ceiling, there was no doubt that a part of the cavern was artificial.
Further excavations resulted in the discovery of a network of underground galleries and weird architecture.
Many corridors were collapsed, but large rooms with carved columns still existed which offered their treasures to the explorers.
Some of the investigators settled in the caverns in order to study the people (perhaps not human) who had lived there and to try and understand the functions of the artifacts found therein.
Those who call themselves [Artefacers] overcame despondency at their false hopes and half-successes. As the cycles passed, a colony settled on the widest ledges of the abyss and a basic elevator system powered by llamas was built.
A young artefacer, Katari, discovered that Marine's Powder (also discovered in the caverns) could be used to activate the artifacts. She lost her right arm in the process, but provided a solution to her community.
With this discovery, research advanced in great leaps. Test rooms were quickly settled in the colony. A race began between the artefacers to discover how to control the artifacts so the Utopians could use them.
No one knows how it happened, but a large explosion destroyed the ledges and the colony built upon them. The artefacers that were in the galleries did not find anything among the wreckage; the largest artefacts were destroyed.
They stayed at the bottom of the abyss for 14 long days before anyone from the surface came to investigate.
The colony was rebuilt, but on fewer, more separated ledges. On the edge of the abyss, the small village of Forteza was built in order to permit constant communication with the surface.
"The research resumed. With enough success, the sailors can be equipped with artefacts." VIRATO

P10
THE COME BACK
Few among the UTOPIA sailors believed the legends of their people - that a large land lies beyond the Current. A land where their brothers are held hostage by monsters.
These sailors, the Legend Hunters, travel the Current on their Longships.

They tirelessly researched the supposed marine creatures which trapped their lost brothers.
These explorations always confirmed the doubts of most Utopians. However, in a few cycles, they succeeded in convincing many of the Captains and Majors and the Return Expedition was approved. It took two entire cycles to build the Carracks dedicated to the journey. Maritime trade was focused on this goal and the Mornea Coast paid their wood tribute.
The scout ship landed near Nascer Engolimo. The expedition was a success despite the many losses to the Utopian crew. A thick fog permitted progress by water and land without drawing much attention. They were set upon by a group of heavily armed soldiers.
These soldiers fought until the death to protect one of their own. It was hard for the Utopians to understand exactly what happened, despite Captain Cossa's long questioning of the Avalonian prisoners.
A colony, protected by the persistent fog, had settled on the few islands. The ships returned with news of their new trading destination.
However, despite the Utopians success in settling on the southern Avalonian coast and making contact with the fishermen of The Fallen Barony, a new threat came to the Great Island.
First, some galleries collapsed at Forteza. Then some artefacers disappeared. It should have been clear, something awoke in the heart of the abyss.
Something which did not want them there.
That was two cycles ago.

el_ludo
HACHE-HACHE
HACHE-HACHE

Messages : 149
Date d'inscription : 10/09/2011

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 4, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

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