UTOPIA BOOK PART 3, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

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UTOPIA BOOK PART 3, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  el_ludo le Mer 8 Fév 2017 - 13:08

a readback, please

Bokor Archipelago

The island, on which they accosted, was the most Eastern of the Archipelago formed of a multiple island and a ten of Great Lands. Certain connected by coral reef, other was isolated, offshore.
The island covered of longs reeds under which the wrecked discover, few days after their arrival, abandon old shelters. The archipelago inhabited.
After the shock of the meeting, the native welcome, smile on their face, this fair-skinned men born of the Ocean. The bokor, thus they call their self, live scantily on reeds platform in calm lagoons. The Ocean provided all their needs and the visible bonhomie, which characterized them, square well with the equality advocate by this who name now UTOPIAN.
The utopian take more time to discover the isolated man on the far away islands. Longtime the bokors searched to keep away the new arrivals, saying the danger of Blue Algua.
Danger, actually, there was it, but nothing what the utopians was prepared. The men, who live on these islands, use drugs in an excessive way. This drug extracted of the [Antasmoïsa], the blue Algua. Reduced at the rank of errant beast, theirs bodies was scrawny and the rest of their mind who kept, pushed them to attack the utopians to try to drink their blood.
Learning this human being, the Pujlanar, had more of fifty cycles old, Irmao glimpsed in the Antasmoïsa, the cure who he searched. The grafts could be survive. Over the [Selenes], Utopians and Bokor learned to live together, based on each other. The ships of the first was repaired and helped at fishing, even if they was lowest than the outrigger pirogues. The utopians built reef huts on the [Balsae], the lagoons platforms, and mixes unions naturally appeared.
UTOPIA had now a land.
While the Antasmoïsa helped the utopians to forget and united the two peoples, Irma disappeared at the canonical age of 43 cycles. Despite his long research’s, he did not succeed to save the grafts who, in rare events, had shift in uncontrolled way. The unfortunate bearers, full of indigo drug, exiled on the pujlanar islands.
Irmao had let a last message, reminding at his brother, their equality desire between all. The pujlanar had to be part of UTOPIA
During the cycles who will follow, the utopians try to follow the Irma precepts, but it was impossible to integrate the pujlanar at their society. It is barely if the Bokor reached to contain asleep their bloody appetite, with big reinforcement of Indigo drug.

The Great Storm ( or Big Storm)
The Avalon’s remember fade under Engolimo’s Myth, the old ship was maintain as far as possible, the old barony’s relic became inappropriate tools.
The children replaced the fathers, the generations replaced the generations, UTOPIA was.
Then came the autumn, and the sea breeze, the Espaçot’s breath. This autumn, the breath was terrible and raised the ocean. Espaçot breathed close to forty days, a half selene.
The utopians did not know where find a refuge, the islands was swept par huge waves, which take away the Balsae and the canoes. Only the old crafts was hold out, this old ship, which was fishing so badly, and the utopians were given sanctuary in this old ship.
A morning, or maybe it was a evening, Heidryan had a vison. In the heart of the storm, there was a sprawling monster and this monster talked to him.
“Gulp island soon. Leave, leave, leave. Follow Corrente leave, leave. Arrepio”
Heidryan was not the only to have this vision. Only him understood it. The utopians gather what they could and untied the mooring ropes of the old ships.
When the winter came, they was always at the mercy of the ocean. They did not lack neither provisions nor fresh water. The indigo drug maintained the hope of Heidryan vision and the calm of the Pujlanar boarded.
Moreover, the prophecy came true. An island appeared at the horizon and the current conducted them right for it.

THE SUBMERGED ARCHIPELAGO
Engulfed islands of the submerged archipelago attract again the utopian ship. Indeed, this is in the shoals zones, which grow up the Antasmoïsa, the blue Algae necessary at the Chora groomer.
Two at three times per cycle, the bokor being traffic to this place. Carrefully, theycollect just the necessary quantity to maintain in live theirs pujlanar.
Since the Comeback, the journeys towards the submerged archipelago are more often and some along the oldest utopians fear the awakening of the beast.
THE INSTALLATION ON THE GREAT ISLAND
Recover the archipelago live on the great island was impossible. The utopians adjusted at what they will find.
Balsae was settle near the river mouth, here where grow up long reeds, which remember them the archipelago, and the live regained.
Heidryan, the visionary who saved them, was designated as a leader of UTOPIA survivors. However, he declined this function, remained utopians were all equals. He designated himself like a spokesperson ans thus became the first Major. In his honour, we offered to do of his vision, the Utopia symbol: a head supplied of sprawling arms.
Fastly, the utopians feeled the effect of the lack of Indigo liquor. The little that remained kept for the pujlanar who had to isolate on Chora Island under the watch of few bokors and armed guards.
Cleared of the drug’s effect and maybe a little adventurous, some utopians undertake to explore the Great Island. It has as well as was discover the Arrepio forest and the river, which irrigated the forest. These trees cut down soon and the utopians refunded, while inspiring themselves of the rest of their old ships, the carpenter gesture.
Twenty-five cycles after their arrival on the great island, the utopians have their own new flotilla able to face the ocean.
The great forest was stepped back and the river which gone through the forest, once, flow now at the middle of the long grass. In the estuary, the port settled where left the exploration ships. Thus the Liso Islands was discovered, then colonized and the ocean crossed by the legends hunters at the research of the lost archipelago.
However, their biggest discover was still to do, at the very heart of the great island.


Dernière édition par el_ludo le Mer 12 Avr 2017 - 13:21, édité 1 fois

el_ludo
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HACHE-HACHE

Messages : 146
Date d'inscription : 10/09/2011

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 3, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  mallachain le Jeu 23 Fév 2017 - 22:32

Suggestions in red.
Text I don't understand in green.


el_ludo a écrit:a readback, please

Bokor Archipelago

The island they landed on is the most Eastern of the Archipelago formed of multiple islands and a ten of Great Lands. Some of the islands are connected by coral reefs, others are isolated.

The island is covered in long reeds, under which they discovered, a few days after their arrival, abandoned old shelters. The archipelago is inhabited.

After the shock of their first meeting, the natives, with smiles on their faces, welcome the fair-skinned men born of the ocean. The Bokor, as they call themselves, live on scanty reed platforms in calm lagoons. The ocean provides all their needs and their visible friendliness meshed well with the equality advocated by those who now are named UTOPIANS.

After some time investigating other islands, the Utopians discover the isolated men on distant islands. Long the Bokor sought to keep the Utopians away from those islands, warning of the danger of Blue Algae.

The danger these men posed was nothing that the utopians were prepared for. These men are addicted to a drug extracted from the [Antasmoïsa], the Blue Algae. Reduced to beasts, their bodies are scrawny. Those who still have their senses attacked the Utopians in an effort to drink their blood.

Learning that this human being, the Pujlanar, had survived for more than fifty cycles, Irmao sought a cure in the Antasmoïsa. The grafts could be survive. Over the [Selenes], Utopians and Bokor learned to live together in harmony. The former's ships were repaired and helped with fishing even if they sat lower than the later's outrigger canoes. The Utopians built reef huts on the [Balsae], the lagoon platforms, and unions of Utopians and Bokor soon appeared.

UTOPIA now had a land.

The Antasmoïsa helped the Utopians to forget and united the two people. Irma disappeared at the age of 43 cycles. Despite his long research, he did not succeed to save the grafts who, in rare events, had shift in uncontrolled way. The unfortunate victims, full of the indigo drug, were exiled on the Pujlanar islands.

Irmao left a final message, reminding his brothers that equality was desired between all. The Pujlanar must be part of UTOPIA. During the cycles that followed, the Utopians tried to follow Irma's precepts, but it was impossible to integrate the Pujlanar into their society. It is barely if the Bokor reached to contain asleep their bloody appetite, with big reinforcement of Indigo drug.

The Great Storm ( or Big Storm)
The memory of Avalon fades under Engolimo's Myth. The old ship was maintained as long as possible. The old barony's relic became an obsolete tool.

Children replaced fathers, generation replaced generation. UTOPIA was.

Then came the autumn of the sea breeze, Espacot's Breath. This breath was terrible and raised the waves. Espacot's Breath lasted for close to forty days, half a selene.

The Utopians did not know where to find refuge. The islands were swept under huge waves, which carried away the Balsae and the canoes. Only the old craft survived, the old ships which fished so badly. The Utopians sought sanctuary within the old ships.

One morning, or maybe it was an evening, Heidryan had a vision. In the heart of the storm there was a sprawling monster. This monster talked to him.
"Swallow island soon. Leave, leave, leave. Follow currents. Leave, leave. Arrepio."

Heidryan was not the only one to have this vision, although only he understood it. The Utopians gathered what they could and untied the mooring ropes of the old ships.

When winter came, they were at the mercy of the ocean. They did not lack for provisions or fresh water. The indigo drug maintained by the hope of Heidryan's vision allowed the calm Pujlanar to board.

The prophecy came true. An island appeared on the horizon and the current brought them right to it.

THE SUBMERGED ARCHIPELAGO
The swallowed islands of the submerged archipelago attracted Utopian ships. In the shoal zones grow the Antasmoïsa, the Blue Algae, necessary at the Chora groomer.

Two or three times per cycle, the Bokor bring traffic to this place. Carefully, they collect just the necessary quantity to maintain their Pujlanar.

Since the Return, the journeys towards the submerged archipelago are more frequent and some of the oldest Utopians fear the awakening of the beast.

THE INSTALLATION ON THE GREAT ISLAND
Living on the great island as they had on the archipelago was impossible. The Utopians adjusted to what they found.

Balsae were built near the river mouths, where grow the long reeds which remind them of the archipelago, and life resumed.

Heidryan, the visionary who saved them, was elected leader of the UTOPIA survivors. However, he declined this position and maintained that all Utopians were equals. He designated himself spokesperson and thus became the first Mayor. In his honor, we created his vision of the Utopia symbol: a head emerging from sprawling arms.

The Utopians begin to feel the effect of the lack of the Indigo drug. The little that remained was kept for the Pujlanar that were isolated on Chora Island under the watch of a few Bokors and armed guards.

Freed from the drug and a little adventurous, some Utopians explored the Great Island. Here they discovered the Arrepio forest and the river which feeds the forest. The Utopians began felling trees and relearning the carpentry skills needed to repair and rebuild their old ships.

Twenty-five cycles after their arrival on the great island, the Utopians have their new flotilla, ready to face the ocean.

The great forest was cut back. The river which once ran through the forest, now flows at the middle of the long reeds. In the estuary, there is a port filled with exploration ships. Thus the Liso Islands were discovered, then colonized and the ocean crossed by the legendary hunters searching for the lost archipelago.

However, their biggest discovery was still to come, at the very heart of the great island.


mallachain
HACHE-HACHE
HACHE-HACHE

Messages : 182
Date d'inscription : 22/12/2014

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 3, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  el_ludo le Mer 22 Mar 2017 - 21:18

mallachain a écrit:Suggestions in red.
Text I don't understand in green.


el_ludo a écrit:a readback, please

Bokor Archipelago

The island they landed on is the most Eastern of the Archipelago formed of multiple islands and a ten decade of Great Lands. Some of the islands are connected by coral reefs, others are isolated.

The island is covered in long reeds, under which they discovered, a few days after their arrival, abandoned old shelters. The archipelago is inhabited.

After the shock of their first meeting, the natives, with smiles on their faces, welcome the fair-skinned men born of the ocean. The Bokor, as they call themselves, live on scanty reed platforms in calm lagoons. The ocean provides all their needs and their visible friendliness meshed well with the equality advocated by those who now are named UTOPIANS.

After some time investigating other islands, the Utopians discover the isolated men on distant islands. Long the Bokor sought to keep the Utopians away from those islands, warning of the danger of Blue Algae.

The danger these men posed was nothing that the utopians were prepared for. These men are addicted to a drug extracted from the [Antasmoïsa], the Blue Algae. Reduced to beasts, their bodies are scrawny. Those who still have their senses attacked the Utopians in an effort to drink their blood.

Learning that this human being, the Pujlanar, had survived for more than fifty cycles, Irmao sought a cure in the Antasmoïsa. The Avalonian grafts (or scions) could be survive. Over the [Selenes], Utopians and Bokor learned to live together in harmony. The former's ships were repaired and helped with fishing even if they sat lower than the later's outrigger canoes. The Utopians built reef huts on the [Balsae], the lagoon platforms, and unions of Utopians and Bokor soon appeared.

UTOPIA now had a land.

The Antasmoïsa helped the Utopians to forget and united the two people. Irma disappeared at the age of 43 cycles. Despite his long research, he did not succeed to save the avalonian grafts (or scions) who which, in rare events, had shift in uncontrolled way. The unfortunate victims, full of the indigo drug, were exiled on the Pujlanar islands.

Irmao left a final message, reminding his brothers that equality was desired between all. The Pujlanar must be part of UTOPIA. During the cycles that followed, the Utopians tried to follow Irma's precepts, but it was impossible to integrate the Pujlanar into their society. It is barely rare if the Bokor reached to contain asleep their bloody appetite, with without big reinforcement of Indigo drug.

The Great Storm ( or Big Storm)
The memory of Avalon fades under Engolimo's Myth. The old ship was maintained as long as possible. The old barony's relic became an obsolete tool.

Children replaced fathers, generation replaced generation. UTOPIA was.

Then came the autumn of the sea breeze, Espacot's Breath. This breath was terrible and raised the waves. Espacot's Breath lasted for close to forty days, half a selene.

The Utopians did not know where to find refuge. The islands were swept under huge waves, which carried away the Balsae and the canoes. Only the old craft survived, the old ships which fished so badly. The Utopians sought sanctuary within the old ships.

One morning, or maybe it was an evening, Heidryan had a vision. In the heart of the storm there was a sprawling monster. This monster talked to him.
"Swallow island soon. Leave, leave, leave. Follow currents. Leave, leave. Arrepio."

Heidryan was not the only one to have this vision, although only he understood it. The Utopians gathered what they could and untied the mooring ropes of the old ships.

When winter came, they were at the mercy of the ocean. They did not lack for provisions or fresh water. The indigo drug maintained by the hope of Heidryan's vision allowed the calm Pujlanar to board.

The prophecy came true. An island appeared on the horizon and the current brought them right to it.

THE SUBMERGED ARCHIPELAGO
The swallowed islands of the submerged archipelago attracted Utopian ships. In the shoal zones grow the Antasmoïsa, the Blue Algae, necessary needful at the Chora groomer.

Two or three times per cycle, the Bokor bring traffic to this place. Carefully, they collect just the necessary quantity to maintain their Pujlanar.

Since the Return, the journeys towards the submerged archipelago are more frequent and some of the oldest Utopians fear the awakening of the beast.

THE INSTALLATION ON THE GREAT ISLAND
Living on the great island as they had on the archipelago was impossible. The Utopians adjusted to what they found.

Balsae were built near the river mouths, where grow the long reeds which remind them of the archipelago, and life resumed.

Heidryan, the visionary who saved them, was elected leader of the UTOPIA survivors. However, he declined this position and maintained that all Utopians were equals. He designated himself spokesperson and thus became the first Mayor. In his honor, we created his vision of the Utopia symbol: a head emerging from sprawling arms.

The Utopians begin to feel the effect of the lack of the Indigo drug. The little that remained was kept for the Pujlanar that were isolated on Chora Island under the watch of a few Bokors and armed guards.

Freed from the drug and a little adventurous, some Utopians explored the Great Island. Here they discovered the Arrepio forest and the river which feeds the forest. The Utopians began felling trees and relearning the carpentry skills needed to repair and rebuild their old ships.

Twenty-five cycles after their arrival on the great island, the Utopians have their new flotilla, ready to face the ocean.

The great forest was cut back. The river which once ran through the forest, now flows at the middle of the long reeds. In the estuary, there is a port filled with exploration ships. Thus the Liso Islands were discovered, then colonized and the ocean crossed by the legendary hunters searching for the lost archipelago.

However, their biggest discovery was still to come, at the very heart of the great island.


my suggestions in blue

el_ludo
HACHE-HACHE
HACHE-HACHE

Messages : 146
Date d'inscription : 10/09/2011

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 3, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  mallachain le Lun 3 Avr 2017 - 22:24

el_ludo a écrit:
mallachain a écrit:Suggestions in red.
Text I don't understand in green.


el_ludo a écrit:a readback, please

Bokor Archipelago

The island they landed on is the most Eastern of the Archipelago formed of multiple islands and a ten decade of Great Lands. Some of the islands are connected by coral reefs, others are isolated.

That works.


el_ludo a écrit:
The island is covered in long reeds, under which they discovered, a few days after their arrival, abandoned old shelters. The archipelago is inhabited.

After the shock of their first meeting, the natives, with smiles on their faces, welcome the fair-skinned men born of the ocean. The Bokor, as they call themselves, live on scanty reed platforms in calm lagoons. The ocean provides all their needs and their visible friendliness meshed well with the equality advocated by those who now are named UTOPIANS.

After some time investigating other islands, the Utopians discover the isolated men on distant islands. Long the Bokor sought to keep the Utopians away from those islands, warning of the danger of Blue Algae.

The danger these men posed was nothing that the utopians were prepared for. These men are addicted to a drug extracted from the [Antasmoïsa], the Blue Algae. Reduced to beasts, their bodies are scrawny. Those who still have their senses attacked the Utopians in an effort to drink their blood.

Learning that this human being, the Pujlanar, had survived for more than fifty cycles, Irmao sought a cure in the Antasmoïsa. The Avalonian grafts (or scions) could be survive.

How about: The Avalonian grafts could be survived.


el_ludo a écrit:
Over the [Selenes], Utopians and Bokor learned to live together in harmony. The former's ships were repaired and helped with fishing even if they sat lower than the later's outrigger canoes. The Utopians built reef huts on the [Balsae], the lagoon platforms, and unions of Utopians and Bokor soon appeared.

UTOPIA now had a land.

The Antasmoïsa helped the Utopians to forget and united the two people. Irma disappeared at the age of 43 cycles. Despite his long research, he did not succeed to save the avalonian grafts (or scions) who which, in rare events, had shift in uncontrolled way. The unfortunate victims, full of the indigo drug, were exiled on the Pujlanar islands.

How about:
Despite his long research, he did not succeed in saving the Avalonian grafts which, on rare occasions, had shifted in uncontrolled ways.


el_ludo a écrit:
Irmao left a final message, reminding his brothers that equality was desired between all. The Pujlanar must be part of UTOPIA. During the cycles that followed, the Utopians tried to follow Irma's precepts, but it was impossible to integrate the Pujlanar into their society. It is barely rare if the Bokor reached to contain asleep their bloody appetite, with without big reinforcement of Indigo drug.
How about:
It is difficult for the Bokor to control their bloody appetite without large supplies of the Indigo drug.

el_ludo a écrit:
The Great Storm ( or Big Storm)
The memory of Avalon fades under Engolimo's Myth. The old ship was maintained as long as possible. The old barony's relic became an obsolete tool.

Children replaced fathers, generation replaced generation. UTOPIA was.

Then came the autumn of the sea breeze, Espacot's Breath. This breath was terrible and raised the waves. Espacot's Breath lasted for close to forty days, half a selene.

The Utopians did not know where to find refuge. The islands were swept under huge waves, which carried away the Balsae and the canoes. Only the old craft survived, the old ships which fished so badly. The Utopians sought sanctuary within the old ships.

One morning, or maybe it was an evening, Heidryan had a vision. In the heart of the storm there was a sprawling monster. This monster talked to him.
"Swallow island soon. Leave, leave, leave. Follow currents. Leave, leave. Arrepio."

Heidryan was not the only one to have this vision, although only he understood it. The Utopians gathered what they could and untied the mooring ropes of the old ships.

When winter came, they were at the mercy of the ocean. They did not lack for provisions or fresh water. The indigo drug maintained by the hope of Heidryan's vision allowed the calm Pujlanar to board.

The prophecy came true. An island appeared on the horizon and the current brought them right to it.

THE SUBMERGED ARCHIPELAGO
The swallowed islands of the submerged archipelago attracted Utopian ships. In the shoal zones grow the Antasmoïsa, the Blue Algae, necessary needful at the Chora groomer.
I'm still unclear on this part:
In the shoal zones grow the Antasmoïsa, the Blue Algae, necessary needful at the Chora groomer.

What is the Chora groomer?


el_ludo a écrit:
Two or three times per cycle, the Bokor bring traffic to this place. Carefully, they collect just the necessary quantity to maintain their Pujlanar.

Since the Return, the journeys towards the submerged archipelago are more frequent and some of the oldest Utopians fear the awakening of the beast.

THE INSTALLATION ON THE GREAT ISLAND
Living on the great island as they had on the archipelago was impossible. The Utopians adjusted to what they found.

Balsae were built near the river mouths, where grow the long reeds which remind them of the archipelago, and life resumed.

Heidryan, the visionary who saved them, was elected leader of the UTOPIA survivors. However, he declined this position and maintained that all Utopians were equals. He designated himself spokesperson and thus became the first Mayor. In his honor, we created his vision of the Utopia symbol: a head emerging from sprawling arms.

The Utopians begin to feel the effect of the lack of the Indigo drug. The little that remained was kept for the Pujlanar that were isolated on Chora Island under the watch of a few Bokors and armed guards.

Freed from the drug and a little adventurous, some Utopians explored the Great Island. Here they discovered the Arrepio forest and the river which feeds the forest. The Utopians began felling trees and relearning the carpentry skills needed to repair and rebuild their old ships.

Twenty-five cycles after their arrival on the great island, the Utopians have their new flotilla, ready to face the ocean.

The great forest was cut back. The river which once ran through the forest, now flows at the middle of the long reeds. In the estuary, there is a port filled with exploration ships. Thus the Liso Islands were discovered, then colonized and the ocean crossed by the legendary hunters searching for the lost archipelago.

However, their biggest discovery was still to come, at the very heart of the great island.





my suggestions in blue

mallachain
HACHE-HACHE
HACHE-HACHE

Messages : 182
Date d'inscription : 22/12/2014

Voir le profil de l'utilisateur

Revenir en haut Aller en bas

Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 3, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  el_ludo le Mar 4 Avr 2017 - 9:14

mallachain a écrit:
el_ludo a écrit:
mallachain a écrit:Suggestions in red.
Text I don't understand in green.


el_ludo a écrit:a readback, please

Bokor Archipelago

The island they landed on is the most Eastern of the Archipelago formed of multiple islands and a ten decade of Great Lands. Some of the islands are connected by coral reefs, others are isolated.

That works.


el_ludo a écrit:
The island is covered in long reeds, under which they discovered, a few days after their arrival, abandoned old shelters. The archipelago is inhabited.

After the shock of their first meeting, the natives, with smiles on their faces, welcome the fair-skinned men born of the ocean. The Bokor, as they call themselves, live on scanty reed platforms in calm lagoons. The ocean provides all their needs and their visible friendliness meshed well with the equality advocated by those who now are named UTOPIANS.

After some time investigating other islands, the Utopians discover the isolated men on distant islands. Long the Bokor sought to keep the Utopians away from those islands, warning of the danger of Blue Algae.

The danger these men posed was nothing that the utopians were prepared for. These men are addicted to a drug extracted from the [Antasmoïsa], the Blue Algae. Reduced to beasts, their bodies are scrawny. Those who still have their senses attacked the Utopians in an effort to drink their blood.

Learning that this human being, the Pujlanar, had survived for more than fifty cycles, Irmao sought a cure in the Antasmoïsa. The Avalonian grafts (or scions) could be survive.

How about: The Avalonian grafts could be survived. ok, that works


el_ludo a écrit:
Over the [Selenes], Utopians and Bokor learned to live together in harmony. The former's ships were repaired and helped with fishing even if they sat lower than the later's outrigger canoes. The Utopians built reef huts on the [Balsae], the lagoon platforms, and unions of Utopians and Bokor soon appeared.

UTOPIA now had a land.

The Antasmoïsa helped the Utopians to forget and united the two people. Irma disappeared at the age of 43 cycles. Despite his long research, he did not succeed to save the avalonian grafts (or scions) who which, in rare events, had shift in uncontrolled way. The unfortunate victims, full of the indigo drug, were exiled on the Pujlanar islands.

How about:
Despite his long research, he did not succeed in saving the Avalonian grafts which, on rare occasions, had shifted in uncontrolled ways. ok that works


el_ludo a écrit:
Irmao left a final message, reminding his brothers that equality was desired between all. The Pujlanar must be part of UTOPIA. During the cycles that followed, the Utopians tried to follow Irma's precepts, but it was impossible to integrate the Pujlanar into their society. It is barely rare if the Bokor reached to contain asleep their bloody appetite, with without big reinforcement of Indigo drug.
How about:
It is difficult for the Bokor to control their bloody appetite without large supplies of the Indigo drug. ok that works

el_ludo a écrit:
The Great Storm ( or Big Storm)
The memory of Avalon fades under Engolimo's Myth. The old ship was maintained as long as possible. The old barony's relic became an obsolete tool.

Children replaced fathers, generation replaced generation. UTOPIA was.

Then came the autumn of the sea breeze, Espacot's Breath. This breath was terrible and raised the waves. Espacot's Breath lasted for close to forty days, half a selene.

The Utopians did not know where to find refuge. The islands were swept under huge waves, which carried away the Balsae and the canoes. Only the old craft survived, the old ships which fished so badly. The Utopians sought sanctuary within the old ships.

One morning, or maybe it was an evening, Heidryan had a vision. In the heart of the storm there was a sprawling monster. This monster talked to him.
"Swallow island soon. Leave, leave, leave. Follow currents. Leave, leave. Arrepio."

Heidryan was not the only one to have this vision, although only he understood it. The Utopians gathered what they could and untied the mooring ropes of the old ships.

When winter came, they were at the mercy of the ocean. They did not lack for provisions or fresh water. The indigo drug maintained by the hope of Heidryan's vision allowed the calm Pujlanar to board.

The prophecy came true. An island appeared on the horizon and the current brought them right to it.

THE SUBMERGED ARCHIPELAGO
The swallowed islands of the submerged archipelago attracted Utopian ships. In the shoal zones grow the Antasmoïsa, the Blue Algae, necessary needful at the Chora groomer.
I'm still unclear on this part:
In the shoal zones grow the Antasmoïsa, the Blue Algae, necessary needful at the Chora groomer.

What is the Chora groomer? healer


el_ludo a écrit:
Two or three times per cycle, the Bokor bring traffic to this place. Carefully, they collect just the necessary quantity to maintain their Pujlanar.

Since the Return, the journeys towards the submerged archipelago are more frequent and some of the oldest Utopians fear the awakening of the beast.

THE INSTALLATION ON THE GREAT ISLAND
Living on the great island as they had on the archipelago was impossible. The Utopians adjusted to what they found.

Balsae were built near the river mouths, where grow the long reeds which remind them of the archipelago, and life resumed.

Heidryan, the visionary who saved them, was elected leader of the UTOPIA survivors. However, he declined this position and maintained that all Utopians were equals. He designated himself spokesperson and thus became the first Mayor. In his honor, we created his vision of the Utopia symbol: a head emerging from sprawling arms.

The Utopians begin to feel the effect of the lack of the Indigo drug. The little that remained was kept for the Pujlanar that were isolated on Chora Island under the watch of a few Bokors and armed guards.

Freed from the drug and a little adventurous, some Utopians explored the Great Island. Here they discovered the Arrepio forest and the river which feeds the forest. The Utopians began felling trees and relearning the carpentry skills needed to repair and rebuild their old ships.

Twenty-five cycles after their arrival on the great island, the Utopians have their new flotilla, ready to face the ocean.

The great forest was cut back. The river which once ran through the forest, now flows at the middle of the long reeds. In the estuary, there is a port filled with exploration ships. Thus the Liso Islands were discovered, then colonized and the ocean crossed by the legendary hunters searching for the lost archipelago.

However, their biggest discovery was still to come, at the very heart of the great island.





my suggestions in blue

my answers en blue

el_ludo
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Date d'inscription : 10/09/2011

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 3, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  mallachain le Mer 5 Avr 2017 - 18:01

el_ludo a écrit:
mallachain a écrit:Suggestions in red.
Text I don't understand in green.

el_ludo a écrit:


THE SUBMERGED ARCHIPELAGO
The swallowed islands of the submerged archipelago attracted Utopian ships. In the shoal zones grow the Antasmoïsa, the Blue Algae, necessary needful at the Chora groomer.
I'm still unclear on this part:
In the shoal zones grow the Antasmoïsa, the Blue Algae, necessary needful at the Chora groomer.

What is the Chora groomer?     healer


In that case, how about: In the shoal zones grow the Antasmoïsa, the Blue Algae, necessary for the Chora healers.



mallachain
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Date d'inscription : 22/12/2014

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 3, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Message  el_ludo le Mer 12 Avr 2017 - 13:21

TRANSLATION APPROUVED

Bokor Archipelago

The island they landed on is the most Eastern of the Archipelago formed of multiple islands and a decade of Great Lands. Some of the islands are connected by coral reefs, others are isolated.

The island is covered in long reeds, under which they discovered, a few days after their arrival, abandoned old shelters. The archipelago is inhabited.

After the shock of their first meeting, the natives, with smiles on their faces, welcome the fair-skinned men born of the ocean. The Bokor, as they call themselves, live on scanty reed platforms in calm lagoons. The ocean provides all their needs and their visible friendliness meshed well with the equality advocated by those who now are named UTOPIANS.

After some time investigating other islands, the Utopians discover the isolated men on distant islands. Long the Bokor sought to keep the Utopians away from those islands, warning of the danger of Blue Algae.

The danger these men posed was nothing that the utopians were prepared for. These men are addicted to a drug extracted from the Antasmoïsa, the Blue Algae. Reduced to beasts, their bodies are scrawny. Those who still have their senses attacked the Utopians in an effort to drink their blood.

Learning that this human being, the Pujlanar, had survived for more than fifty cycles, Irmao sought a cure in the Antasmoïsa. The Avalonian grafts could be survived.

Over the Selenes, Utopians and Bokor learned to live together in harmony. The former's ships were repaired and helped with fishing even if they sat lower than the later's outrigger canoes. The Utopians built reef huts on the [Balsae], the lagoon platforms, and unions of Utopians and Bokor soon appeared.

UTOPIA now had a land.

The Antasmoïsa helped the Utopians to forget and united the two people. Irma disappeared at the age of 43 cycles. Despite his long research, he did not succeed in saving the Avalonian grafts which, on rare occasions, had shifted in uncontrolled ways. The unfortunate victims, full of the indigo drug, were exiled on the Pujlanar islands.

Irmao left a final message, reminding his brothers that equality was desired between all. The Pujlanar must be part of UTOPIA. During the cycles that followed, the Utopians tried to follow Irma's precepts, but it was impossible to integrate the Pujlanar into their society.
It is difficult for the Bokor to control their bloody appetite without large supplies of the Indigo drug.

The Great Storm
The memory of Avalon fades under Engolimo's Myth. The old ship was maintained as long as possible. The old barony's relic became an obsolete tool.

Children replaced fathers, generation replaced generation. UTOPIA was.

Then came the autumn of the sea breeze, Espacot's Breath. This breath was terrible and raised the waves. Espacot's Breath lasted for close to forty days, half a selene.

The Utopians did not know where to find refuge. The islands were swept under huge waves, which carried away the Balsae and the canoes. Only the old craft survived, the old ships which fished so badly. The Utopians sought sanctuary within the old ships.

One morning, or maybe it was an evening, Heidryan had a vision. In the heart of the storm there was a sprawling monster. This monster talked to him.
"Swallow island soon. Leave, leave, leave. Follow currents. Leave, leave. Arrepio."

Heidryan was not the only one to have this vision, although only he understood it. The Utopians gathered what they could and untied the mooring ropes of the old ships.

When winter came, they were at the mercy of the ocean. They did not lack for provisions or fresh water. The indigo drug maintained by the hope of Heidryan's vision allowed the calm Pujlanar to board.

The prophecy came true. An island appeared on the horizon and the current brought them right to it.

THE SUBMERGED ARCHIPELAGO
The swallowed islands of the submerged archipelago attracted Utopian ships. In the shoal zones grow the Antasmoïsa, the Blue Algae, necessary for the Chora healers

Two or three times per cycle, the Bokor bring traffic to this place. Carefully, they collect just the necessary quantity to maintain their Pujlanar.

Since the Return, the journeys towards the submerged archipelago are more frequent and some of the oldest Utopians fear the awakening of the beast.

THE INSTALLATION ON THE GREAT ISLAND
Living on the great island as they had on the archipelago was impossible. The Utopians adjusted to what they found.

Balsae were built near the river mouths, where grow the long reeds which remind them of the archipelago, and life resumed.

Heidryan, the visionary who saved them, was elected leader of the UTOPIA survivors. However, he declined this position and maintained that all Utopians were equals. He designated himself spokesperson and thus became the first Mayor. In his honor, we created his vision of the Utopia symbol: a head emerging from sprawling arms.

The Utopians begin to feel the effect of the lack of the Indigo drug. The little that remained was kept for the Pujlanar that were isolated on Chora Island under the watch of a few Bokors and armed guards.

Freed from the drug and a little adventurous, some Utopians explored the Great Island. Here they discovered the Arrepio forest and the river which feeds the forest. The Utopians began felling trees and relearning the carpentry skills needed to repair and rebuild their old ships.

Twenty-five cycles after their arrival on the great island, the Utopians have their new flotilla, ready to face the ocean.

The great forest was cut back. The river which once ran through the forest, now flows at the middle of the long reeds. In the estuary, there is a port filled with exploration ships. Thus the Liso Islands were discovered, then colonized and the ocean crossed by the legendary hunters searching for the lost archipelago.

However, their biggest discovery was still to come, at the very heart of the great island.



el_ludo
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HACHE-HACHE

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Re: UTOPIA BOOK PART 3, TRANSLATION APPROUVED

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