Filibuster & Shooter

A little background for those 2 models.
I invented two words : Firetefact (from fireworks + artefact) and Haul-downer (the guy how haul down the sails)...

Filibuster
Unlike most other sailors, a filibuster has no share of the ship on which he sailed and generally does not help in its construction. Coming from a balsao, he did not have a chance of being accepted as an apprentice to a sailor and remained confined to the role of ancillary on a fishing boat, in the best case .
Accustomed to all subordinate activities, he gained a sure footing and unmatched resourcefulness. Thus, despite the shortage of metal by Utopians, the future filibuster recovered piece by piece what constitute his equipment and proudly displays the weapons he has managed to shape: chopper, sickle, knives ... The force he had to have to protect it from lusts finish his training. When he feels ready to offer its services, it completes its equipment with a horseshoe crab shell that attaches to his arm as sole protection.
Despite the limited space available on a ship, it is rare that a captain does not enlisted some of these adventurers to complete his crew. Effective maneuver as refueling, the filibuster knows he will have his pay as his skill. But it is at the coastal raids that reveals all its capabilities. Disdaining shooting weapons, which it could not possess, he pounces on those who impede the trading of his captain and leave to others sailors the task of completing or treat its victims.

Shooter
No vessel departing for the continent will now take the risk to leave without a shooter. This is indeed one of those shooters who saved the life of the Capitaña in a raid on a coastal Khaliman village.
Sailor's son or girl placed among Firetefact as novitiate, the future shooter have gained their Kunturi when they show they can handle and repair it. Therefore, they do not have to search long timeto find a ship that embark.
Often used as lookouts or haul-downers, because besides their good eyesight, they do not suffer from vertigo. But it is during the hectic meetings, on sea and on land, that shooter give their full potential. Firmly planted on a promontory, they do not hesitate to suffer burns from their weapon to shoot several times and save so the members of their crew.

What does a "chopper" look like? I don't like the word, because it immediately conjures up images of 40k Orks. Maybe "cleaver" would work better?

Filibuster
Unlike most other sailors, a filibuster has no share of the ship on which he sails and generally does not help in its construction. Coming from a balsao, he does not have a chance of being accepted as an apprentice to a sailor and remains confined to the role of ancillary on a fishing boat, in the best case.
Because of his subordinate activities, he gains a sure footing and unmatched resourcefulness. Thus, despite the shortage of metal by Utopians, the future filibuster scavenges his equipment piece by piece and proudly displays the weapons he has managed to shape: cleaver, sickle, knives ... When he can defend these weapons from others' desires, his training is concluded. When he feels ready to offer his services, he completes his equipment with a horseshoe crab shell which he attaches to his arm as his sole protection.
Despite the limited space available on a ship, it is rare that a captain does not enlist some of these adventurers to complete his crew. Effective in maneuvers such as refueling, the filibuster knows he will receive pay comparable to his skill. But it is coastal raids that reveal all his capabilities. Disdaining shooting weapons, which he does not possess, he pounces on those who threaten his captain and leaves to other sailors the task of finishing or treating his victims.

There is already a word for hauling-down sails, so I used that one (furl) instead.

Shooter
No vessel departing for the continent will risk leaving without a shooter. Indeed, a shooter saved the life of the Capitaña in a raid on a coastal Khaliman village.
A sailor's son or girl placed among the Firetefact as a novitiate, the future shooter gains a Kunturi when they show they can handle and repair it. Therefore, they do not have to search long to find a ship to join.
They are often used as lookouts or furlers (those who raise and lower the sails), because in addition to their excellent eyesight, they do not suffer from vertigo. It is during hectic engagements, on sea and on land, that shooters show their full potential. Firmly planted on a promontory, they do not hesitate to fire their weapons multiple times, even at the risk of suffering burns, to save the members of their crew.

mallachain a écrit:What does a "chopper" look like? I don't like the word, because it immediately conjures up images of 40k Orks. Maybe "cleaver" would work better?
Effective in maneuvers such as refueling,

I agree with Mallachain's edit.

I think the chopper is the sawfish "nose" sword the pic shows.

However I don't understand this section.

mallachain a écrit:Effective in maneuvers such as refueling,

mallachain a écrit:There is already a word for hauling-down sails, so I used that one (furl) instead.

This is correct

mallachain a écrit:A sailor's son or daughter placed among the Firetefact as a novitiate, the future shooter gains a Kunturi when they show they can handle and repair it.

This part could be more clear. Is the shooter given to a group?

mallachain a écrit:What does a "chopper" look like? I don't like the word, because it immediately conjures up images of 40k Orks. Maybe "cleaver" would work better?

Good idea.

Coming from a balsao, he does not have a chance of being accepted as an apprentice to a sailor and remains confined to the role of ancillary on a fishing boat, in the best case.

Well, I think it's a mistake...
Every Utopian child has to be apprentice. Most of them, growing on a balsao, become apprentice with a sailor. Those who did not and whish, after novitiate, to be part of a crew are the filibuster.
So, I'll try to tell in this sentence : "they come from a balsao BUT did not became sailor's apprentice AND were, in the best case, ancillary on a small fishing boat."
How can we explain that clearer ?

When he can defend these weapons from others' desires, his training is concluded.

Again, but it doesn't matter.
I mean : defending his weapons is his training.

Disdaining shooting weapons, which he does not possess, ...

Can I write : "disdaining shooting weapons, which he can't possess, ..." ?

he pounces on those who threaten his captain

I mean : the foe who prevent the captain's trade
and not those who wants to fight.
But perhaps your sentence mean this too.

Vegabond a écrit:However I don't understand this section.

mallachain a écrit: Effective in maneuvers such as refueling,

He is as good in maneuvers (handling) and as in refueling (supplying).

Filibuster

Mehapito a écrit:

Coming from a balsao, he does not have a chance of being accepted as an apprentice to a sailor and remains confined to the role of ancillary on a fishing boat, in the best case.

Well, I think it's a mistake...
Every Utopian child has to be apprentice. Most of them, growing on a balsao, become apprentice with a sailor. Those who did not and whish, after novitiate, to be part of a crew are the filibuster.
So, I'll try to tell in this sentence : "they come from a balsao BUT did not became sailor's apprentice AND were, in the best case, ancillary on a small fishing boat."
How can we explain that clearer ?

I like that sentence.

Mehapito a écrit:

When he can defend these weapons from others' desires, his training is concluded.

Again, but it doesn't matter.
I mean : defending his weapons is his training.

Let's change it to: "Defending his weapons from others' desires is his training."

Mehapito a écrit:

Disdaining shooting weapons, which he does not possess, ...

Can I write : "disdaining shooting weapons, which he can't possess, ..." ?

Yes

Mehapito a écrit:

he pounces on those who threaten his captain

I mean : the foe who prevent the captain's trade
and not those who wants to fight.
But perhaps your sentence mean this too.

Let's make it: "he pounces on those who threaten his captain's commerce and leaves to other sailors the task of finishing or treating his victims."

Mehapito a écrit:

Vegabond a écrit:However I don't understand this section.

mallachain a écrit: Effective in maneuvers such as refueling,

He is as good in maneuvers (handling) and as in refueling (supplying).

I like that. It helps to explain what the words are relating to.

Shooter

Vegabond a écrit:

mallachain a écrit:A sailor's son or daughter placed among the Firetefact as a novitiate, the future shooter gains a Kunturi when they show they can handle and repair it.

This part could be more clear. Is the shooter given to a group?

Good point. Is the Firetefact the group that handles/trains those who use Kunturi, or is it a classification of weapon and a Kunturi is a Firetefact?

If Firetefact is a group, we could do this: "When a sailor's son or daughter is placed among the Firetefact (those who use the Kunturi) as a novitiate, the future shooter earns a Kunturi when they show they can handle and repair it."

If it's a weapon type, maybe something like this: "When a sailor's son or daughter becomes a novitiate among those who use Firetefacts, the future shooter earns a Kunturi when they show they can handle and repair it."

Hoops, my answer about Shooter goes into the Warp  

mallachain a écrit:I like that sentence.

Which one ?

mallachain a écrit:Let's change it to: "Defending his weapons from others' desires is his training."

Sounds well  

mallachain a écrit:Let's make it: "he pounces on those who threaten his captain's commerce and leaves to other sailors the task of finishing or treating his victims."

Good

Vegabond a écrit:However I don't understand this section.

mallachain a écrit: Effective in maneuvers such as refueling,

mallachain a écrit:

Mehapito a écrit:He is as good in maneuvers (handling) and as in refueling (supplying).

I like that. It helps to explain what the words are relating to.

Shall I keep the parenthesis ?

Shooter (again )

mallachain, confirm by Vegabond a écrit:There is already a word for hauling-down sails, so I used that one (furl) instead.

Good

mallachain a écrit:

Vegabond a écrit:

mallachain a écrit:A sailor's son or daughter placed among the Firetefact as a novitiate, the future shooter gains a Kunturi when they show they can handle and repair it.

This part could be more clear. Is the shooter given to a group?

Good point. Is the Firetefact the group that handles/trains those who use Kunturi, or is it a classification of weapon and a Kunturi is a Firetefact?

If Firetefact is a group, we could do this: "When a sailor's son or daughter is placed among the Firetefact (those who use the Kunturi) as a novitiate, the future shooter earns a Kunturi when they show they can handle and repair it."

As I said above, utopian childs have to be an apprentice. Some go to the Firetefact, those who found years ago old artefacts and experiment them in a large cave, in the center of utopian Island. After their novitiate, they come back to harbors with a shooting tool, the Kunturi.
Your sentence seems to be good.

Thanks guys
You really are efficient

Mehapito,
Maybe you can put up what you have so far and we could double check it. That way we can see what suggestions you have used and where we may need to be more clear.

Good idea!

The text I wrote is too long and I have to cut some parts before. But I'll do it as soon as possible.
Thanks

Mehapito a écrit:The text I wrote is too long and I have to cut some parts before. But I'll do it as soon as possible.
Thanks

I mean for the Filibuster and Shooter. So we can double check what you now have.

Vegabond a écrit:I mean for the Filibuster and Shooter. So we can double check what you now have.

Oh

Troops

Filibuster
Unlike most other sailors, a filibuster has no share of the ship on which he sails and generally does not help in its construction. Coming from a balsao, he did not have the chance of being accepted as an apprentice to a sailor and remained confined to the role of ancillary on a fishing boat, in the best case .
Because of his subordinate activities, he gains a sure footing and unmatched resourcefulness. Thus, despite the shortage of metal by Utopians, the future filibuster scavenges his equipment piece by piece and proudly displays the weapons he has managed to shape: cleaver, sickle, knives... Defending his weapons from others' desires is his training. When he feels ready to offer his services, he completes his equipment with a horseshoe crab shell wich he attaches to his arm as sole protection.
Despite the limited space available on a ship, it is rare that a captain does not enlist some of these adventurers to complete his crew. Effective in maneuvers (handling) such as in refueling (supplying), the filibuster knows he will receive pay comparable to his skill. But it is coastal raids that reveal all hes capabilities. Disdaining shooting weapons, which he can't possess, he pounces on those who threaten his captain's commerce and leaves to other sailors the task of finishing or treating his victims.


Shooter
No vessel departing for the continent will risk leaving without a shooter. Indeed a shooter saved the life of the Capitaña in a raid on a coastal Khaliman village.
When a sailor's son or daughter is placed among the Firetefact as a novitiate, the future shooter earns a Kunturi when they show they can handle and repair it. Therefore, they do not have to search long to find a ship to join.
They are often used as lookouts or furlers, because in addition to their excellent eyesight, they do not suffer from vertigo. It is during hectic engagements, on sea and on land, that shooters show their full potential. Firmly planted on a promontory, they do not hesitate to fire their weapon multiple times, even at the risk of suffering burns, to save so the members of their crew.

Filibuster
Unlike most other sailors, a filibuster has no share of the ship on which he sails and generally does not help in its construction. Coming from a balsao he didn't have the chance to be a sailor's apprentice so he remains confined to an ancillary role on a fishing boat, in the best case.
Because of his subordinate activities, he is sure footed and has an unmatched resourcefulness. Thus, despite the shortage of metal by Utopians, the future filibuster scavenges his equipment piece by piece and proudly displays the weapons he has managed to gather: cleaver, sickle, knives... Winning his weapons from others is his training. When he feels ready to offer his services, he completes his equipment with a horseshoe crab shell which he attaches to his arm as his sole protection.
Despite the limited space available on a ship, it is rare that a captain does not enlist some of these adventurers to complete his crew. Effective in laborious tasks, such as resupplying, the filibuster knows he will receive pay comparable to his skill. However it is the coastal raids where filibusters really shine. Disdaining shooting weapons, which he can't possess, he pounces on those who threaten his captain's commerce and leaves to other sailors the task of finishing off or treating his victims.


Shooter
No vessel departing for the continent will risk leaving without a shooter. Once a shooter saved the life of the Capitaña in a raid on a coastal Khaliman village.
A shooter is placed among the Firetefact as a child, when the novitiate has shown they can handle and repair a Kunturi, they earn one for themselves. Therefore, they do not have to search long for a ship to join.
Shooters are often used as lookouts or furlers because of their excellent eyesight and because they do not suffer from vertigo. It is during hectic engagements, on sea and on land, that shooters show their full potential. Firmly planted on a promontory, they do not hesitate to fire their weapon multiple times, even at the risk of suffering burns, to save members of their crew.

Many thanks